: : hmph mood : :

It's HMPH mood, not HUMP mood silly...
I need to see the beach...
I am going to rant & rage now...

I'm too grouchy lately. Admittedly I have my normal grouchiness, but this week, even I noticed that it's just way over my normal dosage... *sigh* Too many upsetting things around me... Shit happens yeah? And then they say it always comes in three?! Well I think I've had my fair share for this week... Good thing it's Friday na! When it rains in Mari Land, it pours and soaks ME to the bone. F*%#%!
I am in pain for a dear friend... I hate the fact that she's going thru such an ordeal & there's not a single damn thing that I can do for her... I can't even think of anything coherent enough to say to her! And I usually make sense!(well most of the time that is...) I'm just at a blah right now... I also hate the fact that there are guys that are really so hateful and get away with their kind of crap! Unbelievable! But it does happen. And they continue to thrive. They have a whole kingdom unto themselves! Hell I happen to have the misfortune to even know & dealt with some of them. There's definitely one who tops the chart right now. Such is life eh?
Then comes the issue of so called friendship. *BIG SIGH* You think you know, but you just never do. You take the risk, and Faith slaps you in the face with Reality. Nice. Over-reacting? Perhaps I am. Maybe I am. But what's done is done. Makes me wonder what else... *BIGGER SIGH* Shit.
And then of course there's the bigger never ending issues called Family. *BIG BIGGER SIGH*
Or we can blame it all on the hormones of yours truly. Whatever.

But in spite of all of the above, there are still other aspects in my life that I am thankful for... (See I'm not that much of a pessimist, just a realist...)
For the gifts & pasalubongs that I received everyday this whole week! *smile* It's the thought that really counts. It really made me feel special in spite of it all... For the good chit chats with my sis, phone calls & conversations with dear friends... Made me feel that I am connected after all... And that somebody has my back no matter what...
Simple things... It may seem trivial... But I make them my own. And make them part of Me.
Ok, enough na. *smile* *SIGH*
Just breathe...

* Things to look forward to this weekend:
- I'm having dinner with the happy guys & gals later on tonight! Anytime is a good time to catch up.
- I'm going home to Laguna this weekend! Fresh air!
- It's my Lolo's 80th birthday bash! :-) There goes my diet... Good thing they'll be serving mostly pork dishes... Gotta stay away from the dessert table...
- I'm gonna take my Aunt shoe shopping in Liliw this weekend! And will make sure to stop by that fabulously quaint lil resto at the corner... Yum!
- Road trip to Taytay Falls, or anywhere with nice, old Spanish churches...
:-)
Just a few more days & I'm going to the BEACH!!! North side naman - Zambales. I need my beach fix - badly!
My travel partner tells me we're going here:

Ganda noh?
I can't wait!!!
Poof!
This is why I blog... It's my some sort of therapy. :-) Coz sometimes, paper (or in this case my pc) is more patient than man... (from the Dairy of Anne Frank)

: : found d song!!! : :

I finally know d name of the song that's been stuck in my head since Kaskade. hehe

Tada!!! -->

Naked & Sacred

wala lang...
I feel calm whenever I hear this song...

: : (en français) confiance : :

Il fait confiance une fois que cassé est difficile réparer... Triste mais lui est vrai... Je suis dérangé à ce qui s'est produit. Incroyable ! ! ! Mais ce qui est fait est fait. J'espère juste que les dommages ne sont pas celui étendu... Et qu'aucune autre information inutile n'a été divulguée à d'autres...

Ever heard/read anyone rant in French?
You just did.

: : * yawn * : :

i can't sleep... i'm stuck in the midst of sleeping, & wakefullness...
I'm tired - my body's aching, & my eyes are almost closing but my mind refuse to rest... restless, haunted me...
*yawn*
I have to start working out in the gym again. I really am getting chubby chubs... gotta get my act together if I wanna stay fit... Stupid of me to stop now when I have access to two gyms... lazy me...
*yawn*
Have to eat less rice... Avoid it if I can... But then again I don't really eat rice...
*yawn*
He's not even all that come to think of it... Let's not be bitchy.
*YAWN*
I'm sleepy...
*YAWN**YAWN**YAWN*
bonne nuit

: :hmm hmm again : :

* Can't seem to get this song out of my mind since Aris played it... But I don't really know the title of it. I'm terrrible with titles, artist names, album, and don't even count on me to sing it... But i know it's a bit of house & techno with the lyrics

"I wanna hold you naked... when I'm with you... since i met you... I wanna be good to you... something something..."

Anyway, it's a nice song... Damn what's the title?!?!? Hmmm hmmm...

* Was just doing a Sex and the City re-run, and here are some quotes that I just love:

Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they're supposed to run wild until they find someone -- just as wild -- to run with.

There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous

I will not be the first one to speak. And if he never calls me again, I'll always think of him fondly. As an asshole.

When it comes to relationships, maybe we're all in glass houses, and shouldn't throw stones. Because you can never really know. Some people are settling down, some are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less. Than butterflies...

When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun, then you grow up and learn to be cautious; you could break a bone, or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there is no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?

Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you are to become who you will be.

And lastly, here's a quote for my Dr. Alco-Sol: hehe

Carrie: A fuck buddy is a guy you probably dated once or twice and it didn't really go anywhere, but the sex is so great you sort of... keep him on call.
Samantha: Ooo, he's like dial-a-dick!
Samantha: Carrie, you can't date your fuck buddy.
Carrie: Say it a little louder, I don't think the old lady in the last row heard you.
Samantha: You're going to take the only person in your life that's there purely for sex, no strings attached, and turn him into a human being? Why?

I'm evil, yes I know. :-) You still love me though!

: : just blogging : :

* Got this from a friend, fill this up for me will yah? Indulge my self-absorbed curiousity. -> Johari Window

* I'm bored... And I'm at work , yes my dear, even on a legal national holiday... Got nothing to do at all so I'm just here getting triple pay while I do nothing but surf... *hush*

* Thank God she's NOT!!! I can now breathe easily...

* The first time she saw him, she didn't think anything of him. The second time, still no reaction - yes he was cute, but that was it, so were the other guys. Then comes the challenge. Only then did she look twice & gave it a thought. But then after a time, the feeling of being challenged eventually wore off, then there was none. None at all. Just plain apathy. Another Mr. Right Now. So much for happy ending.

* Went to Kaskade last Wednesday! I like the open air setting - with the moon & stars & the gentle see breeze as your ambience (it wasn't stinky as I expected). Love the fireworks! But I must say, it wasn't all that as I expected, though it was pretty good to hear It's you It's Me, the crowd of course went crazy when he played it. The after-party was way WAY better... *wink*wink*

* I need a vacation. Nobody believes me when I tell them that I don't have any beach plans for this summer yet. Coz they know how much of a beach addict I am! Maybe I'll do Boracay this May - yes, maybe I will!!! Hey, that's enough time to work on the extra pounds... Damnit I gained 5 pounds!!! I'm a fat hippo now...

* Got my official PADI diver's ID yesterday!!! *yey!!!* now, I gotta plan my next dive trip...

: : secrets : :

everybody has secrets...
skeleton(s) in the closet... Whatever you may want to call it.
everybody has one...
Some secrets are better off left unsaid.
Some are unspeakable that we'll carry them to our graves... And then some that you wish you didn't know.
But there are some secrets that cannot be hidden for long... No matter how hard you try to keep it as one, it will still eventually come out. Too bad.
Just like reality, just when you think everything's going smoothly, where everything's fine & dandy, harsh reality has it's own way of creeping up on you and bite you in the ass when you least expect it. BOOM!
That's it.

I'm upset, happy, & sad at the current situation of a very dear friend of mine.
I'm upset coz this is happening. I can say "I told you so", and "You should've known better" & all that guilty talk of what could've/should've been. But what good will that do? None at all...
I'm happy coz it's a beautiful thing...
But I'm sad that it turned out this way...
Should've-would've-could've.
Just like what Dr Bailey said in Grey's Anatomy:

The stupidity of the human race, be thankful for that.

Coz sometimes, the most beautiful & brilliant things are results of this so called stupidty... We might not like the results, but it happens... Accept & Live with it.
It gets better.

: : Play my song... : :

Went out last night with 2 girlfriends of mine, our PimpMaster followed shortly after... :-) First stop was Rockwell where I bought a fab pair of white pants from Topshop! *yey!* Finally found the perfect white pants that flatters my behind. Wasn't planning on buying - it's Aris' fault! Hehe. We bought the same type of pants! Chilled at Mati's for some drinks, gorged on their yummy dip & pita bread, & of course a bit of catching up... So much chika!!! Whatd dya expect when you put three ladies in one table & beers aplenty - of course it's gossip time! Haha. Then when we had enough of talking, headed over to Embassy for some dancing! Great music - of course! *wink*wink* We're having a dry run for our night with Kaskade this Wednesday! It was a cool night of hangin out - nice fun.

I feel up & about although I hardly had any sleep last night. Not cranky. No hang over. Just fine. It's amazing what a single *kilig* phone call can do. *HUGE GRIN* I'm smiling just thinking about it. :-D Next time I won't flake. Can I just say that he looked real cute last night... Hehe

~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~

Sis & I are going home to the province later. I need to see my Lola, I miss her, and & feel bad that I haven't been able to see her as much as I want to... I guess I've been avoiding the prospect of going "home". They don't have to say it, but eversince what happened, I can feel their eyes on us, and I know they mean well, but they shouldn't feel sorry for what happened. It's all for the best really. There are just some things that are really not meant to be. It sucks, but that's Life. And we get along just fine... No drama.

~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~

I'm excited for Wednesday-Kaskade! Hehe. Yah know for sure it's gonna be a crazy night!!! Just the way we like it! :-D

: : To be or no to be... in a rut that is : :

Ever been stuck in a rut before? It's so easy to fall into one... To let yourself wallow & sink deeper & deeper into it... And damn is it hard to come OUT of it...

Case 1 of the endless: I haven't gone to the gym for almost 3 weeks! Even longer than that I think... Yes, definitely longer than 3 weeks... Anyway, I've been too lazy lately -obviously! I'd rather go home and just sleep. Or watch Grey's Anatomy (I am too addicted with this show!). Or just EAT... Or sleep... You get the picture. So thus the Fat Cow = Me right now... Anyway, I was FINALLY able to D*R*A*G myself to the gym last Tuesday, and I mean literally forcefully drag myself to the place... Poof! Just the effort of going to the place is exhausting for me... *BIG SIGH* I'm that lazy right now... But hey, lazy fat cow me was able to successfully drag herself to the gym three times this week!! Hooray!!! *APPLAUSE* And now you can imagine the state of my muscles... *ugh!* No Pain, No Gain they say... But damn I'm just sore all over!!! My butt feels like it's in four places (that's more than the usual!!!), and my abdominal muscles (wishful thinking that I do have some... ) truly does hurt... Just have to push thru the pain... Don't I always?

Case 2: I have a dear friend who's in a "sticky situation" right now... Boy Problems. The ephemeral case of the "kami na ba?" syndrome. We've all been there... And maybe even wished that we haven't... Moving on, she knows what to do... But just can't make herself to do what it is that she know she has to do...

Case 3: I still fall in one my "dreaded" moods... Just the other day I was totally sucked in it. Hated it...


... Whatever the case maybe, I say its all a matter of choice really... Just how long will you allow yourself to BE in that rut is all up to you. Nobody else can pull you out of it except you and YOU alone... Your friends can give you that initial push, but the big heave has to come from you...

~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~ @ ~

On a different note, I heard Sean Paul is coming to Manila next month!!!!! How true is that???? If he is coming, daaamn, yah know I'm gonna be there baby! Loved him since I was in Georgetown!!! Like 8 years ago!!! *whew* calm down Mari... Anybody interested? ;-)

: : *whoa!* : :

I am still reeling from my weekend... *grin*
Still feeling some "after-effects" of the weekend hang over... Still hung over actually. And it's a Monday after the month-end batch. Nice one... Just smile & wave...

Talk about going impromptu party mode! I thought it was going to be a nice, quiet, relaxing weekend by the beach, or somewhere where the birds are chirping & the sun is shining, commune with nature, or maybe even do wall climbing, & supposed to be go kart racing... But your sea princess did a different kind of the "communing" kind. *hehe* Nothing perverted now! Just decided to hung out with dear friends, have fun, FUN, FUN & dance, DANCE, DANCE, & DANCE... PARTY!!!

I must say it was quite an unbeleivable night. Few rounds at Capone's with a dear, dear, DEAR friend. Laugh trip... food trip... Happy thoughts... Then, decided to hop on over to PICC for DJ Tiesto & to meet Bri & co. My Goodness! The place was packed! But it was well worth it. I'm not much of a lover for house music but man, this guy IS really GOOD! He is defintely the best!!! He'll definitely take you to a higher place... Love it!!! *BIG GRIN*

In Search of Sunrise

The Party didn't stop here of course... We decided to hop on over next to Club Industry at around 06:30... No need for the details... But I danced, and danced, danced, and danced.... I didn't get home 'till noon...
What a night...
What a morning...
What a Life!!!!
Gotta love it!!!
*SMILE!

*wink*wink*

still singing to the tunes of I'll Fly With You (Gigi d'agostino)...
I still believe in your eyes
I just don't care what
You have done in your life
Baby I'll always be here by your side
Don't leave me waiting too long
Please come by
I, I, I, I still believe in your eyes;
There is no choice,
I belong to your life
Because I will live
To love you someday;
You'll be my baby
And we'll fly away
And I'll fly with you,
I'll fly with you,
I'll fly with you....

The Song in my head...


Thanks to Dottie, I am hooked & in love with this song... Wonder why... *wink*
Mmmwah!

: : blah mood : :

I find that I'm falling into one of my many, MANY moods lately...
Hmmm...

~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@

CHIKA of the moment: (Okay I'm chismosa... Like you're not!)
somebody from work got preggers... they're both from work... and the clincher is that the guy is married... and that he just had a baby from his wife! AND he's not even ALL that goddamnit... wtf?!?!
I feel sorry for the girl... (She resigned.) Sabi nga sa Grey's Anatomy, she's like a human road kill & everybody's slowing down just to see the wreckage/carnage...
It's sad...
I think what my friend, John told me is quite appropriate for this scenario,

Don't get your honey where you're getting your money...

I hear yah... Coz when the good turns bad, it can get sooo BAD, & what's worse is that everybody else will know.
*sigh*

~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@

I miss...
I need to go to the beach...
I think the heat is getting to me...
Melting my brain...
*blah*
I feel like I'm in the middle of nowhere, but I'm not exactly lost...
I feel like screaming & throwing a fit, but I'm not exactly angry nor upset...
But neither am I jovial...
*blah*blah*
there's a huge black swirling pool of nothingness
there's a girl walking, tiptoeing, balancing on the edges
not wanting her toes to be touched by the black nothingness
but still she persists to play, to test her balance
a gentle kiss of the wind can easily push her into the pool
and she know it
yet she persists
and still persists...

*BLAH*BLAH*BLAH*

: : i'm in a mood : :

hmmm.... Yes, I'm in a mood... What mood? I dunno... *sigh*

~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~

thought you had all the answers to rest your heart upon. but something happens don't see it coming, now you can't stop yourself. now you're out there swimming in the deep. in the deep. Life keeps tumbling your heart in circles till you... let go till you shed your pride and you climb to heaven and you throw yourself off. now you're out there spinning in the deep. in the deep. in the deep. in the deep. and now you're out there spinning and now you're out there spinning in the deep. in the deep. in the deep. in the deep. If you want to be given everything, give everything up... Share lang...

~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~

"Maybe part of the reason why we hold on to something so tight for so long is because we fear that something so great won't happen twice..."

""I've realized that Life is full of contradictions... Sometimes it's crazy to be sane. You need to fall to fly. People suffer because you care. You have to unlearn to know the lesson. You have to give up because you are strong. You have to be wrong to make things right... Nonetheless, Life's complexities are also Life's source of beauty. We should cry to laugh again... Fall apart to be whole again... And get hurt to Love again..."

~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~

"By the time the pain of not doing the thing gets worse than the fear of doing it, it would feel like we're carrying around a tumor in our body..." And it does...

"Knowing is better than wondering..." Is it? But then what you don't know, won't hurt you... Ignorance is bliss isn't it? But then you can only fool yourself for so long...

~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@

Admittedly I'm a bitch. Cold-hearted rin ba daw? Am I? Sometimes I do think so.. Maybe I've morphed into an ice queen. Dya think? Things are actually quite simple. And it can remain simple. It only becomes complicated when you start to feel... And care... So I guess I'm no ice queen after all. Although I wish I was... And though I know some people think so...

How is it a good idea to open up and be vulnerable? That doesn't make any sense.

Enough.

But then I've been telling myself that same sentiment for the longest while now...

This is just most likely my hormones raging. It better be.

: : did i say happy week? NOT! : :

Let me just say that last week was by far one of the most horrible week that I've ever had the misfortune to have in my entire experience with the Bank...

Monday was a breeze... Little did I know that it was the calm before the storm...

Tuesday at work was also ok... The night before the dreaded month end batch... It was cool so far when I left my shift at 2200, Tuesday. I had the Embassy party to go to that night, and I was all psyched up for it. Had my costume all ready - picked it up from my tailor that same morning, although I gagged when I saw that the skirt was transformed into an ultra mini-mini skirt (I guess I forgot the fact that with the sizable ass of my ass the skirt will definitely hitch up - WAY UP!), I say what the hell right? It doesn't happen all the time! So might as well... So the costume was all set, with all it's trappings and all. THEN it turns out that my girl friend /date for the night is being attacked by laziness & does not feel like going anymore!!! WHAT? Then as it turns out, the invite is non-transferable so I can't just bring another friend along... Damn! Then it turns out that there is somebody else who I know will be going to the party... My flaker of a girl friend convinced me to go, since I was all ready for it anyway - sayang naman! So I went... BAD DECISION!!! Haay... I shouldn't have... Don't get me wrong, but the party was a BLAST - it definitely BLEW me away alright... But it was a very BAD thing... Too too BAD...

Moving on! So of course I had a major hang over the next day... Groggy & all sick inside and not just because of the alcohol from the night before... Anyway, as I went thru the door of our office, I immediately noticed that something was very VERY odd... There were no reports AT ALL for distribution? I knew it was a month end - surely I didn't sleep thru one whole day? Then I was informed that there really was no reports released, the reason being: PC crashed... And the clincher was that there's no back up... NO BACK UP??? What dept am I in again??? Frigging IT!!! So put it all in a nutshell, we were completely blind for 48 hours. No LN - incommunicado, no connection to the printer servers, no PRES, unable to do any download, and obviously no uploading of any files either, not even an access to any of the systems... Unbelievable!!! IT right??? Users were asking us to re-connect them when they had more access to the system compared to us at that time. It was a nightmare!!!! This continued on for 3 whole days.... I caved in on the 2nd day... I had my melt down... I reached a point wherein I just could not breathe, the walls were literally closing in on me and my throat was all clogged up and my eyes were burning up... I had to run to the wash room and there I blew my steam... I was followed by two of my dear officemates and they were there to make me paypay. I hyperventilated and all!!! It was horrible... I don't usually lose my cool!!! A guy friend from the office tapped me at the back and even asked, "Umiiyak ka pala?!" It was a first for me... But my girlfriends were saying that they were really just waiting for me to crack coz they could definitely see the pressure that I was on then... Haaay!!!!

Thank GOD - all the Gods, that it's all ok now. Slowly but surely we're picking up the pieces and going back to our usual normal cycle... Yes, we now have a backup for our pc - 2 of them!!! Whew!!! But man, I never ever EVER want to go through the same experience again. Is wear I WILL quit right there and then!!!

I am so thankful though, that I have dear friends that are there for me when I need them... And I don't even have to ask, because they just know... Awh... Love yah guys.

On a positive note, (God please don't jinx this one... pretty please...) my birthday is coming up soon!!! Whoopee!!! Luau party anyone??

: : still about last week : :

* just so you know, I will still be ranting quite a bit in this entry...*

Last week was REALLY not a good week, I think I was able to establish that fact, but I forgot some bits and pieces... So just wanted to put the final touches on it. Kinda like putting the cherry and chocolate syrup on top of a fabulous sundae.

* I lost my phone during the anniv party at Embassy Tuesday night... I was totally bummed... Lost a phone yet again!!! Don't ask how I lost it coz I can't even remember myself... But miracles of all miracles, found my dear phone when we went Saturday night!!! Awesome eh?! Have to commend the staff of that place, real nice people. It's a blessing in disguise that the bouncer, the washroom attendant, the cashier, and the manager remembers me... Hehe.. How you ask? You don't want to know... Trust me!

* I wasn't able to go to my check out dive last week... I felt that I was too stressed that if I do go, I just won't be able to enjoy the dive... Sayang lang... So I decided to move it to this weekend... Knocking on wood as we speak, and crossing my fingers (& legs!) that hopefully this pushes thru... I have my gear all set!!!

* Wasn't able to go to the gym the whole week!!!! I am now a fat cow... Also, I'm feeling the stress man... My skin's breakin out!!! *bawls* phooey!

* Ok, I'm now finished ranting...

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

On a completely different note... Did I miss a beat? Or maybe not... No I did not actually... I'm just done with the questions. "We often mistake what we wish for, with what is..." I know. Admittedly(yes I can now admit so), it's not about this person, but it's more of the idea and the possibility... That maybe, just maybe... But it just isn't. I still don't. I thought I did... But I want what I don't want... And there's no point stressing over something that's only an almost sort-of-thing. Coz we all know almost doesn't count... (song yun ah) So I'm just gonna sit back, relax, enjoy the ride... No worries.

Happy thoughts... *grinning*

: : happy week : :

Just an hour to go and I'll be FINALLY done with my gruelling 16-hour shift! Yep, you read it right the first time, 16 hours man... Damn... Oh well, that's OT for me so it's not that bad... Actually it still is, just trying to convince myself it's not... Ok didn't work!

But miraclas of all miracles though, I'm not that tired as I expected... I think I may have enough energy to even check out the dive shops & start shopping for my gear... Hehe, but then again I always have enough energy to go shopping! Especially now that I just received my bonus from work... Hmm... Just thinking about that cash just sitting there in my account is too tempting... Gotta learn to control. Something that I really have to learn!!!

I haven't had my usual two-cups of coffee nor any cigs and yet I'm still positively perky. Go figure! Thinking happy thoughts lang... In fact, I'm definitely looking forward to this week, aside from the monthend batch, I hope it'll be a happy week:

Tuesday Night is Embassy's anniversary party, & a girlfriend of mine invited me to go! She doesn't work the next day & my shift doesn't start till 2pm so I 'm GAME!! Party! hehe. The party has a school theme, so I'm all excited to dress up for that. Luv costume parties... I haven't decided yet on what I'm gonna wear, though... But I think I have an idea... So you know that means Monday would be shopping panic day.
Oops - monday = shopping! Also for diving equipment... Control!
Thursday will be my last pool session for my scuba lessons - gotta cram it all up for my check out dive this weekend in Anilao!! Exciting!!! I'm going to the beach! Although there's really not much of a beach in Anilao, but it's ok, there's the sea so for me beach pa rin yun! hehe Looking forward to breathe in that salty fresh air, swim, and DIVE!!! naks! To breathe like Darth Vader under water with the fishies. Nice!
Friday night - considering that I didn't go out this week, I have a feeling Friday would be a catchin up night. So just gonna chill & hang out.
Oh and I'm hoping that I can realy stick this whole week out... Better that I don't see him really. I'd rather not. And I hope he doesn't make his usual "whatsup & how-you-doin", so that I don't have to worry about... Whatever. Gotta be strong... Yeah, yeah...

Just think HAPPY THOUGHTS!

: : just ranting : :

I just had my third chocolate mint for the night (doing the graveyard shift). *yum* sugar overload... but what the heck, with a week like this, I need to have my uppers... something to keep me up & about... & to keep my mind from certain things & certain personalities as well... but i guess the third choc mint was a bit of a give away that I'm not exactly doing so well... damnit!

Yet another message from he-who-must-not-be-named. What the hell?!?! Is he or isn't he? What is that about? Or should I be asking myself that question?! I have no idea why i get so irritated when I do hear from him... But I do know I go through the same reaction when I don't... Ang labo talaga... Coz that's what we are - malabo. ENOUGH! He just doesn't get it... I don't either!

Had a little chat with a colleague the other night. The topic was about falling or being in Love. Yes dear friends, Love. He mentioned that he wouldn't mind to be in Love right now. "Wow!" I exclaimed. "Really?!" He of course was flabbergasted that I wouldn't want to... He suggested that maybe I just haven't pondered over it that much? Definitely! It's not that I don't want to be, if it happens it happens right? But come to think of it now,it really has been a while since I really even thought about it... Honestly! I haven't met anyone that has made me even consider the thought of it... Sad. There was a time when I thought falling in Love was the easiest thing in the world. Whatever happened with that? I grew up, that's what happened. But I shouldn't say that, coz the guy that I was having this conversation with is in his early thirties... What does that say about me? A pessimist? Perhaps. More of a realist.... Jaded? Yes, why not. Been hurt, disappointed and all that, and I've learned from them. But it doesn't mean I don't believe in IT anymore. I do. I still do... It'll happen in time... At the right moment, & hopefully with the right guy.

Cheers!

: : random thoughts : :

* Attended a wedding of a colleague today. It was lovely... The church was beautiful, and the reception was garden-style & was set amidst old Spanish ruins. There was even a fountain in the middle! It was very romantic... Perfect lighting & all... Evoked a lot of oohs & aahs among us girls as you can imagine. Lovely...

* Just what is it about Sunday nights that makes all radio stations to play lovey-dovey-ultra-mushy love songs?!?!?! It doesn't really help right now...

* So I was able to stick it out for almost two weeks. I was firm to myself and did not break my stand. It's another round of power play. And then I receive a message out of the blue(just as before). I freak out. But regained my composure & replied just so to be polite. Hey I'm cool. I will not get affected by this again. And then what happened after a week? I crumbled... Inexplicably. I gave in... Extremely foolish of me! Pfft! I was doing so well and then BAM! I'm back to square one. Blame it on February shall we please? Never again though. Deleted his number. And no I did not memorize his number. He can go back to Timbuktu for all I care. Now that felt good!

* On a positively jovial note: I started my scuba lessons this week!!! Hooray!!! Considering the fact that I don't know how to swim, I think I did pretty good! :-) I'm a self-confessed beach addict. Eversince I can remember, I've always loved the sea. It's in my nature - Water is my sign, I'm a Piscean. My name in Greek is "water related" as well. Mind boggling how I still don't know how to swim... Anyway, I've always wanted to learn scuba. A friend of mine gave me an intro dive the other week in Anilao and it was AMAZING! Surreal experience! Although I must admit that I kinda panicked the first time I dove into the water... Almost forgot that I have the regulator & that I can breathe... Breathe like Darth Vader. But when I saw the scene before me - WOW! I've entered a new realm... I was captivated.
A week after that, decided to finally take that scuba classes. I can't wait for my check out dive! Just have to schedule when... Soon though!

: : words & their meaning (?!?) : :

isn't it funny how just one word can mean so much... possibly even too much... perhaps.
take for example the word dreaming... and it so happens that I am in this mood right now... sort of.
dictionary.com can define it in 6 ways...
(1)A series of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations occurring involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep.
--> I say dreaming is not restricted to when you are sleeping. It can happen anytime - regardless of whether or not you're sleeping, or maybe walking, talking, eating, breathing or whatever it is that you're doing... Though I wish dreaming is solely restricted only when you're sleeping. That way everything would've been easier... I would only have to deal with the *dreaming* for just 8 hours or so, if that was the case... Or maybe it's just me... I dream too much. Yep, gotta be.
(2) a daydream; a reverie.
--> hmm... i'm imminently stuck to *dreaming*... must shake it off and break free from this catatonic state...
(3) A state of abstraction; a trance.
--> It is definitely a hassle. Just a distraction. Diddn't I just say I'm going catatonic? Walking zombie... bzzzzzzz
(4) A wild fancy or hope.
--> So true... Waste of time. When you hope, you expect. And the the more you hope, thus of course the higher the expectations. Exposing yourself. Making yourself susceptible to an attack of injury - physical or emotional. And of course once that happens, if you're lucky - hurray for you, but if not, you know you're screwed.
(5) A condition or achievement that is longed for.
--> Hmmm... Now if only I know what that is...
(6) And FINALLY - One that is exceptionally gratifying, excellent, or beautiful...
--> Ooooh... Ok. And so I chose to *dream*... To continue to *dream*... Because in the end, I know there will always be something beautiful out of the ugliness of it all...

Thus, Mari is, and will always be *dreaming*...
Pfft!

: : this month of February : :

It's a weird month.
Whether it's a leap year or not, it's still a weird month.
Some say people born under this month are either sheer geniuses or just plain bonkers really. Ok maybe not. :)

Perhaps I'm just ranting coz the dreaded V-day is just around the corner yet again.
Of course it's a different scenario when you're in "L", with somebody, or just basically having something with somebody... Or anything to that effect.
But for those that are single, pft! The holiday season was tough enough, and then comes February. Just when you're getting over the fact that you didn't have a date to kiss at the stroke of midnight on New Year's eve, here comes another holiday that throws your lack of romance in your face yet again. HAHA! :) It's getting hilarious isn't it?
It's because of February.

Or maybe because our tempers were in a a good high from the holiday season, you know, what with the rush & thrill of the emotions brought on by the holidays that perhaps now, everybody's suffering from the anti-climax of it all. On February. Had to be.
Blame it on February.
Yes, why don't we. :-D

: : of sinners & saints : :

A friend of mine sent me this interesting quote from Desperate Housewives:

"It's not that easy to distinguish the good guys from the bad guys... Sinners can surprise you and the same is true for saints... Why do we try to define people as simply good or simply evil? Because no one wants to admint that compassion & cruelty can live side by side in one heart, and that anyone is capable of anything..."

So true...