: : blah mood : :

I find that I'm falling into one of my many, MANY moods lately...
Hmmm...

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CHIKA of the moment: (Okay I'm chismosa... Like you're not!)
somebody from work got preggers... they're both from work... and the clincher is that the guy is married... and that he just had a baby from his wife! AND he's not even ALL that goddamnit... wtf?!?!
I feel sorry for the girl... (She resigned.) Sabi nga sa Grey's Anatomy, she's like a human road kill & everybody's slowing down just to see the wreckage/carnage...
It's sad...
I think what my friend, John told me is quite appropriate for this scenario,

Don't get your honey where you're getting your money...

I hear yah... Coz when the good turns bad, it can get sooo BAD, & what's worse is that everybody else will know.
*sigh*

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I miss...
I need to go to the beach...
I think the heat is getting to me...
Melting my brain...
*blah*
I feel like I'm in the middle of nowhere, but I'm not exactly lost...
I feel like screaming & throwing a fit, but I'm not exactly angry nor upset...
But neither am I jovial...
*blah*blah*
there's a huge black swirling pool of nothingness
there's a girl walking, tiptoeing, balancing on the edges
not wanting her toes to be touched by the black nothingness
but still she persists to play, to test her balance
a gentle kiss of the wind can easily push her into the pool
and she know it
yet she persists
and still persists...

*BLAH*BLAH*BLAH*

: : i'm in a mood : :

hmmm.... Yes, I'm in a mood... What mood? I dunno... *sigh*

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thought you had all the answers to rest your heart upon. but something happens don't see it coming, now you can't stop yourself. now you're out there swimming in the deep. in the deep. Life keeps tumbling your heart in circles till you... let go till you shed your pride and you climb to heaven and you throw yourself off. now you're out there spinning in the deep. in the deep. in the deep. in the deep. and now you're out there spinning and now you're out there spinning in the deep. in the deep. in the deep. in the deep. If you want to be given everything, give everything up... Share lang...

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"Maybe part of the reason why we hold on to something so tight for so long is because we fear that something so great won't happen twice..."

""I've realized that Life is full of contradictions... Sometimes it's crazy to be sane. You need to fall to fly. People suffer because you care. You have to unlearn to know the lesson. You have to give up because you are strong. You have to be wrong to make things right... Nonetheless, Life's complexities are also Life's source of beauty. We should cry to laugh again... Fall apart to be whole again... And get hurt to Love again..."

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"By the time the pain of not doing the thing gets worse than the fear of doing it, it would feel like we're carrying around a tumor in our body..." And it does...

"Knowing is better than wondering..." Is it? But then what you don't know, won't hurt you... Ignorance is bliss isn't it? But then you can only fool yourself for so long...

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Admittedly I'm a bitch. Cold-hearted rin ba daw? Am I? Sometimes I do think so.. Maybe I've morphed into an ice queen. Dya think? Things are actually quite simple. And it can remain simple. It only becomes complicated when you start to feel... And care... So I guess I'm no ice queen after all. Although I wish I was... And though I know some people think so...

How is it a good idea to open up and be vulnerable? That doesn't make any sense.

Enough.

But then I've been telling myself that same sentiment for the longest while now...

This is just most likely my hormones raging. It better be.

: : did i say happy week? NOT! : :

Let me just say that last week was by far one of the most horrible week that I've ever had the misfortune to have in my entire experience with the Bank...

Monday was a breeze... Little did I know that it was the calm before the storm...

Tuesday at work was also ok... The night before the dreaded month end batch... It was cool so far when I left my shift at 2200, Tuesday. I had the Embassy party to go to that night, and I was all psyched up for it. Had my costume all ready - picked it up from my tailor that same morning, although I gagged when I saw that the skirt was transformed into an ultra mini-mini skirt (I guess I forgot the fact that with the sizable ass of my ass the skirt will definitely hitch up - WAY UP!), I say what the hell right? It doesn't happen all the time! So might as well... So the costume was all set, with all it's trappings and all. THEN it turns out that my girl friend /date for the night is being attacked by laziness & does not feel like going anymore!!! WHAT? Then as it turns out, the invite is non-transferable so I can't just bring another friend along... Damn! Then it turns out that there is somebody else who I know will be going to the party... My flaker of a girl friend convinced me to go, since I was all ready for it anyway - sayang naman! So I went... BAD DECISION!!! Haay... I shouldn't have... Don't get me wrong, but the party was a BLAST - it definitely BLEW me away alright... But it was a very BAD thing... Too too BAD...

Moving on! So of course I had a major hang over the next day... Groggy & all sick inside and not just because of the alcohol from the night before... Anyway, as I went thru the door of our office, I immediately noticed that something was very VERY odd... There were no reports AT ALL for distribution? I knew it was a month end - surely I didn't sleep thru one whole day? Then I was informed that there really was no reports released, the reason being: PC crashed... And the clincher was that there's no back up... NO BACK UP??? What dept am I in again??? Frigging IT!!! So put it all in a nutshell, we were completely blind for 48 hours. No LN - incommunicado, no connection to the printer servers, no PRES, unable to do any download, and obviously no uploading of any files either, not even an access to any of the systems... Unbelievable!!! IT right??? Users were asking us to re-connect them when they had more access to the system compared to us at that time. It was a nightmare!!!! This continued on for 3 whole days.... I caved in on the 2nd day... I had my melt down... I reached a point wherein I just could not breathe, the walls were literally closing in on me and my throat was all clogged up and my eyes were burning up... I had to run to the wash room and there I blew my steam... I was followed by two of my dear officemates and they were there to make me paypay. I hyperventilated and all!!! It was horrible... I don't usually lose my cool!!! A guy friend from the office tapped me at the back and even asked, "Umiiyak ka pala?!" It was a first for me... But my girlfriends were saying that they were really just waiting for me to crack coz they could definitely see the pressure that I was on then... Haaay!!!!

Thank GOD - all the Gods, that it's all ok now. Slowly but surely we're picking up the pieces and going back to our usual normal cycle... Yes, we now have a backup for our pc - 2 of them!!! Whew!!! But man, I never ever EVER want to go through the same experience again. Is wear I WILL quit right there and then!!!

I am so thankful though, that I have dear friends that are there for me when I need them... And I don't even have to ask, because they just know... Awh... Love yah guys.

On a positive note, (God please don't jinx this one... pretty please...) my birthday is coming up soon!!! Whoopee!!! Luau party anyone??

: : still about last week : :

* just so you know, I will still be ranting quite a bit in this entry...*

Last week was REALLY not a good week, I think I was able to establish that fact, but I forgot some bits and pieces... So just wanted to put the final touches on it. Kinda like putting the cherry and chocolate syrup on top of a fabulous sundae.

* I lost my phone during the anniv party at Embassy Tuesday night... I was totally bummed... Lost a phone yet again!!! Don't ask how I lost it coz I can't even remember myself... But miracles of all miracles, found my dear phone when we went Saturday night!!! Awesome eh?! Have to commend the staff of that place, real nice people. It's a blessing in disguise that the bouncer, the washroom attendant, the cashier, and the manager remembers me... Hehe.. How you ask? You don't want to know... Trust me!

* I wasn't able to go to my check out dive last week... I felt that I was too stressed that if I do go, I just won't be able to enjoy the dive... Sayang lang... So I decided to move it to this weekend... Knocking on wood as we speak, and crossing my fingers (& legs!) that hopefully this pushes thru... I have my gear all set!!!

* Wasn't able to go to the gym the whole week!!!! I am now a fat cow... Also, I'm feeling the stress man... My skin's breakin out!!! *bawls* phooey!

* Ok, I'm now finished ranting...

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On a completely different note... Did I miss a beat? Or maybe not... No I did not actually... I'm just done with the questions. "We often mistake what we wish for, with what is..." I know. Admittedly(yes I can now admit so), it's not about this person, but it's more of the idea and the possibility... That maybe, just maybe... But it just isn't. I still don't. I thought I did... But I want what I don't want... And there's no point stressing over something that's only an almost sort-of-thing. Coz we all know almost doesn't count... (song yun ah) So I'm just gonna sit back, relax, enjoy the ride... No worries.

Happy thoughts... *grinning*