: : of sinners & saints : :

A friend of mine sent me this interesting quote from Desperate Housewives:

"It's not that easy to distinguish the good guys from the bad guys... Sinners can surprise you and the same is true for saints... Why do we try to define people as simply good or simply evil? Because no one wants to admint that compassion & cruelty can live side by side in one heart, and that anyone is capable of anything..."

So true...

: : Kung Hey Fat Choy : :

It's the Chinese New Year! It literally means wishing you plenty of wealth (wingleehong.com!), but people use this phrase to say Happy New Year. Oh well, no harm done in however you mean it.
Though the year has already started and we're almost done on the first month, I'd like to take this time as MY new year. Start afresh. So in Chinese ways, I'm really not that late, it's just the right time... Excuses!
But hey it's really never too late to recognize a change in one's life... Right? It takes a lot of courage to recognize one, and even more so to accept it. So what better time to do it but now.

January is named after the Roman god Janus who's seen as having two faces staring in opposite directions; one facing the past & one to the future... So before this month ends, I'd like to reflect on the past - the things & events that have happened, things that I've done, the people that have touched my life; everything that has shaped me to who & what I am right now... And from here, the question is, where do I want to go?
I don't want to make yet another New Year's resolution. Because I already know what will be on it. It's the same old list that I make every year.
Take this for an example, at the start of last year, I told myserlf I'll quit smoking, and I was able to quit smoking for almost 10 months! - But now I am back in the habit! The only thing that I was able to hold on to from my yearly resolution was staying at the gym... I'm still with my gym, but it doesn't mean that I'm as active as I want to be!!! But still at least I stuck in keeping my membership. :-D

But kidding aside, I want this year to be different. I don't just wish it, I want it to be so. I'm tired of all the negative crap that I allow myself to go through each and every damn year. Besides, there's already too much negativity in this world! So I'm going to be more POSITIVE this year. No more drama PLEASE! Enough with the past. No more stressing over what's been done and what could be. No other way but to go forward from here, and I'm gonna do it with a big SMILE with my head held up & of course with my posture just right.
Life is a journey as they say, and I sure had my fair share of obstacles along the way - but you "lose" some, you "gain" some. No regrets.
I'm still blessed to have a great Nanay & sister... I have great friends that I know I can count on no matter what... I have a good job. I'm blessed with a good Life.

So this year, I'll make it MY YEAR. :-) It will.
Life is a succession of moments. To live each one is to succeed.
Just gotta keep on breathing.

: : no more drama : :

No More Drama
By Mary J Blige

So tired, tired of these drama
No more, no more
I wanna be free
I'm so tired, so tired

Broken heart again
Another lesson learn
Better know your friends
Or else you will get burn
Gotta count on me
Cause I can guarantee
That I'll be fine

No more pain (no more pain)
No more pain (no more pain)
No drama (no more drama in my life)
Noone's gonna make me hurt again

Why'd I play the fool
Go through ups and downs
Knowing all the time
You wouldn't be around
Or maybe I like the stress
Cause I was young and restless
But that was long ago
I don't wanna cry no more

No more pain (no more pain)
No more game (no more game messin with my mind)
No drama (no more drama in my life)
Nooone's gonna make me hurt again
No more tears (no more tears, I'm tired of cryin everynight)
No more fears (no more fears, I really don't wanna cry)
No drama (no more drama in my life)
I don't ever wanna hurt again
Wanna speak my mind, wanna speak my mind

Uh, it feel so good
When you let go
Avoid these drama in your life
Now you're free from all the pain
Free from all the game
Free from all the stress
So find your happiness
I don't know
Only God knows where the story ends for me
But I know where the story begins
It's up to us to choose
Whether we win or loose
And I choose to win

No more pain (no more pain)
No more game (tired of your playin' game with my mind)
No drama (no more drama in my life)
No more, no more, No more, no more
No more tears (no more tears, no more cryin every night)
No more fears (no more waking be up in the morning)
No drama, no more in my life

No more drama, no more drama
No more drama, no more drama
NO MORE DRAMA
NO MORE DRAMA
NO MORE DRAMA
NO MORE DRAMA
NO MORE DRAMA
No more drama in my life
So tired, tired of these drama

-> Amen to that!

: : honestly... : :

feeling so down lately
having unbelievable extreme mood swings by the hour
have to be busy
attempt to focus
sometimes it actually works...
but most times... not

out of sight.
out of mind.
less talk.
less mistake.
no talk = no mistake.
i used to believe this works. i actually made it work for myself! for a time... but then i can only kid myself for so long... and now...
after the longest time of thinking & believing that i can avoid the unavoidable, & succeeding in the process for a time, i find myself to be in the same position that i promised myself i won't be in... yet here i am...
and now... nothing.
can't undo what's been done.
but I'm a big girl... i can handle this... i should be able to...
:-)
enough with the drama!
there are more depressing things in the world right now.
no other way but to go forward. no sense being stuck in a rut, for that won't do anybody good. get up, smell the pollution in the air and MOVE ON!
easier said than done, but still, it's worth a try.


*****************************************************
~Strong Enough~
by Sheryl Crow

God, I feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage I cannot fight
I’d be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Nothing’s true and nothing’s right
So let me be alone tonight
Cause you can’t change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I’ll believe
Lie to me
But please don’t leave

I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
It’s try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?

When I’ve shown you that I just don’t care
When I’m throwing punches in the air
When I’m broken down and I can’t stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I’ll believe
Lie to me
But please don’t leave

: : about a boy : :

About a boy...
Yes, it's always about a boy... The good. The Bad. Good & bad. Bad & good. The handsome ones, & the not so handsome ones... Of varying shapes & sizes & nationality... There will always be a boy...
But there comes a time when a girl meets a certain boy who can make everything else a bit different than the usual encounter... This certain boy who basically tilts the girl's world into a blundering confusion...
Where the girl can't seem to get the boy out of her mind... And she starts thinking about romantic notions that she thought she'd never even consider... At that point in her life... And she really should not do so... For she should know better! Because after all, he is still a boy... And boys will be boys...
She tries to be strong and keep "it" together... She tries with all her might. She tries to convince herself that she can handle it. And sometimes she actually even believes herself... But it's a losing battle. Because her heart has a mind of her own... And has already decided even before her mind could register what it is that was happening... But the mind still refuses to accept the inevitable, & will continue to do so... Thus hurting the girl in the entire stressful process... A dear friend suggested to just take the leap and get hurt, & feel...
But you have to understand that the girl has been through a lot already... And the situation is not exactly the forever picture...
So why take the risk? Too much has been risked already...
But damn... It hurts... It truly does physically hurt deep inside... - says the girl.

I think one can only silently cry inside for so long... And after while, the heart can only take so much and eventually a torrent of tears will eventually spring out from one's tired eyes...
And in that moment, you'd be eternally grateful that you have a dear friend's shoulder to cry on to...

Thank you Paul! Love yah much...

: : new year blues : :

My first post for the New Year...

It's just the start of the year & yet so much stuff has happened in such a short span of time... It would've been great if the things that happened were all good, but sadly most of it are not good at all... But let's not go there as yet, let's start with the good ones first...

On the day of new year's eve, I was all excited to break the year right with my dear Mum & lil sis at New World Hotel. Although it would've been nice to spend it with the whole family back in Laguna, it was quite refreshing to have that time exclusively for just the three of us. It was great fun - bonding with Mom & sis like old times when we were in Guyana. It was quite poetic in a sense, because from now on, officially that is, it truly is and will always be just the three of us. :-) Now I miss my Mum...
After the quality time spent with my family, I met up with some dear friends from the office and we partied the night away until the sun was up! Great crazy fun... From Embassy to Fiama's, then back to Embassy... Sometime in the night I had a tiff with a guy friend of mine over something silly - like about a certain boy! Long story...
A story that is actually still on the making or something like it, and would most likely just be left hanging and no clear ending... But that would have to be in another post of it's own...
Back to my guy friend... Had lunch with him the next Monday & we had our little "talk" & cleared things up... We're good now. I'm glad that we were able to clear things up right away. It was a good thing that we did, coz I had no idea what was in store for me right after this...
But then again who does?!

Right now I'm not in good terms with a very dear friend of mine... And I'm really affected by it... Although we're not talking & things are blurry with us at the moment, I still consider her as a good friend... But it's just sad to find out that all it took was something really lame for us to be in this state. It's sad, because I thought we were both better than this...
(sigh)

: : ??????????????????? : :

Ever had a feeling about a situation wherein you had an inkling that something's up & bound to "happen"?(though your sane mind wished that it didn't, but then then your impulsive self clamored for it!) But when the situation that you felt was going to happen actually happened, it still leaves you in a state of total perplexity?!?!?!
The expected unexpectedness... Dumbfounding...

So of course now the question is, how do you deal with it?
Just how the hell do you????
Do you balk at the situation & pretend that it didn't happen and move on with the normalcy of your so-called life? And then stumble(purposely!) into something else and turn the whole situation into something that's even more puzzling! Wherein you jump from the frying pan and into to the fire? Which basically leaves you now in a situation wherein you're even more confused...
Because now you realize what is it exactly that you want... But wished you didn't.
So you go back inside your protective wall... And then what????
Then what????
What?????
Damn...

: : Mistake by Fiona Apple : :

I'm gonna make a mistake
I'm gonna do it on purpose
I'm gonna waste my time
'Cause I'm full as a tick
And I'm scratching at the surface
And what I find is mine
And when the day is done, and I look back
And the fact is I had fun, fumbling around
All the advice I shunned, and I ran
Where they told me not to run, but I sure
Had fun, so
I'm gonna FUCK it up again
I'm gonna do another detour
Unpave my path
And if you wanna make sense
Whatcha looking at me for
I'm no good at math
And when I find my way back,
The fact is I just may stay, or I may not
I've acquired quite a taste
For a wellmade mistake
I wanna mistake why can't I make a mistake?
I'm always doing what I think I should
Almost always doing everybody good
Why
Do I wanna do right, of course but
Do I really wanna feel I'm forced to
Answer you, hell no
I've acquired quite a taste
For a wellmade mistake, I wanna
Make a mistake, why can't I make a mistake
I'm always doing what I think I should
Almost always doing everybody good
Why


I think my current song of the moment explicitly describes the rut that I am in right now...
Why do I always chose the unpaved path? When there's obviously a much more easier way... Grrrrr....
SIGH.......

: : Too Lost in You by Sugababes : :

You look into my eyes
I go out of my mind
I can't see anything
Cos this love's got me blind
I can't help myself
I can't break the spell
I can't even try

I'm in over my head
You got under my skin
I got no strength at all
In the state that I'm in

And my knees are weak
And my mouth can't speak
Fell too far this time

[Chorus:]
Baby, I'm too lost in you
Caught in you
Lost in everything about you
So deep, I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do (you do)
I'm too lost in you
(Too lost in you)

ooh
Well you whispered to me
And I shiver inside
You undo me and move me
In ways undefined
And you're all I see
And you're all I need
Help me baby (help me baby)
Help me baby (help me now)

Cos I'm slipping away
Like the sand to the tide
Flowing into your arms
Falling into your eyes
If you get too near
I might disappear
I might lose my mind

[Chorus:]
Baby, I'm too lost in you
Caught in you
Lost in everything about you
So deep, I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do (you do)
I'm too lost in you
(Too lost in you)

I'm going crazy in love for you baby
(I can't eat and I can't sleep)
I'm going down like a stone in the sea
Yeah, no one can rescue me
(No one can rescue me)

Oooh, my baby
Oooh, baby, baby

[Chorus:]
Baby, I'm too lost in you
Caught in you
Lost in everything about you
So deep, I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do (you do)
I'm too lost in you

I'm lost in you
I'm lost in you
I'm lost in everything about you
So deep (so deep), I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do (you do)
I'm too lost in you
(Too lost in you)


I just happen to like the song... But I'm obviously NOT!!! - Whatever... Hell no.

: : carpe diem! : :

You only live once, so live & enjoy life to the fullest! Carpe Diem! Seize the day! This has been my on-going mantra for the past couple of weeks, & I must say, life is good! :-)

First off, my Palawan trip was great FUN! It was definitely an adventure from the very beginning right till the end...
~ Oct 28. We left Manila aboard a ferry & sailed through the night to Coron Palawan. We were a group of 12 - a hodgepodge of people from various depts who's game for anything - & I mean ANYTHING! And boy did we rock the boat! :-) We drank, danced, & were merry the whole night. Hehe. Pole dancing anyone? Although the pole wasn't exactly a pole but more of a pillar!
~ Oct 29. Arrived in beautiful Coron... The scenery was breath taking!!! We just checked in our luggages(did I mention that I had a lot!), changed into our swimsuits and headed back on a boat for island hopping galore. Sarap!!! No work! No worries! A day of swimming (though I can't swim), snorkelling(with my mini fins!), sight seeing, & a bit of trekking - & all with a splash of adventure written all over it. Night time was a whole different story... Hehe. Had my first taste of "bilog" & boy did I regret it the next day... But it's all good... Still FUN.
~ Oct 30. Another day of island hopping galore on our way to Calauit Island. GHOSTLY NIGHT at Calauit!!!!
~ Oct 31. Safari Ride!! Giraffe feeding! :-) Coulion Island, used to be a leper colony. The unending steps to the cross... And I'm not even religious! Makinit Lake. DRINKING TIME!!!
~ Nov 1. Buhbye Coron. Hello HOC! :-)

~ to be continued...

* kinikilig ako... LN out of the blue from a Mr. Somebody. haha. *kilig*

: : PBB... : :

Ok... Ok... I admit... I'm currently hooked on this reality show... Unbelievable!!! Pero grabe na ito... :-) I can't seem to help myself, but I just have to have my fix on what's going on inside the house...
Nakakaloka...

: : itching for the beach!!!! : :

One more week to go!!! Palawan here we come!!!
I can't wait!!!

And next month, it's gonna be BORACAY baby!!!!

B O R A C A Y ! ! ! !


Yep!!!
I'm making up for lost time with the beach...
Stocking up on mucho SPFs...
:-)

: : busy body me : :

I think my last post made quite a stir... Some people I tell yah... If you can't take it, then no nobody's forcing you to read on. Leave!
Makes me think about MTRCB on Pinoy Big Brother... Censoring reality? If only life can also be cut & edited like a movie, but unfortunately, it can't be so. On life whatever happens is the final cut, no chance for a second take to replace the "bad cut". You can try again of course, but what's done is done...

Moving on...
I attended a kiddie party over the weekend! It's the 1st bday of the daughter of one of our bosses - she was so adorable! A bubbling baby with such a happy disposition - she was just smiling the whole time!!! Afterwards, Pia, Erik & I went to watch a movie at Greenbelt - 40 year old virgin. It was hilarious!!! Hella funny.

I was off from work last Monday to Wednesday - a welcome break... I was originally planning to go home to Laguna, but lil sis was sick so I decided to stay in the Metro & be the caring big sis that I am (most of the time...). Nevertheless, I must say that I was able to do a lot during my "off days" - except for Monday... hehe

Monday ~ woke up with a start at around 06:00AM and freaked out. I thought I had work at 6AM! Thru a cloud of sleepiness I realized that I didn't have work so went back to bed... Grrr.... Woke up at around 11:30 with a slight headache from too much sleeping... I basically just bummed around the entire day & watched TV & eat! Felt horribly lazy...

Tuesday ~ I promised myself that I WILL do something, and I did! I decided to have my very first boxing lesson at Elorde as recommended by my roommate. It was great! Though I must admit I was comical when trying to box + footwork. I swear my instructor was laughing at me when I asked if I had to change foot when doing a left uppercut... And when I sashayed backward when asked to step back. Kinda had my dancing lessons mixed up with the session. Afterwards, with a stinky wrap at hand and with my knuckles red (naks!), I still felt ambitious enough to hit the gym and run! Was able to do some weights & even a bit of crunches. Damn I was on a roll that day. Well, at least I was able to release all that pent-up emotions!

Wednesday ~ Coding day! So had no choice but to stay indoors til after 7pm. Went to the gym and did my usual run on the threadmill, crunches, etc... To cap off my workout, I did Body Balance, a combination of yoga/tai chi/pilates. It felt great to stretch out...

So there you have it! I was quite the busy bee these past few days... :-)

: : casual sex? : :

If you do it, chances are it's not going to go anywhere. But if you both know it's not going anywhere, then there's nothing wrong with it.

--Paul Walker in Us, on having sex on the first date. Woo-hoo, the '70s are back! Around the office, we call it Casual Sex Fridays... (from Eonline.com)

: : All about LoVe AcTuAlLy... : :

I finally saw "Love actually" & I have to say it's one of the most charming movies I've ever seen!!! One of those rare movies that have me gushing over it with oodles & oodles of aaawhhsss & sighs... :-) I was already enthralled at the very beginning of the movie!

Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.

With that kind of intro, who wouldn't? I'm lovin it!
Here are some more quotes from the movie that will definitely make you go "hmm..." or "awhhh...":

But you know the thing about romance is people only get together right at the very end. by Sam

Sometimes the chase is better than the actual "taking" they say... They call it romantic when he's courting you. Sometimes the romance ends when two people actually o get together! One of life's ironies...

Jamie: It's my favorite time of day, driving you.
Aurelia: [in Portuguese] It is the saddest part of my day, leaving you.

A definite "awwhhhhh" moment!

Natalie(secretary): Hello, David. I mean "sir". Shit, I can't believe I've just said that. Oh, and now I've gone and said "shit" - twice. I'm so sorry, sir.
Prime Minister: It's fine, it's fine. You could've said "fuck", and then we'd have been in real trouble.
Natalie: Thank you, sir. I did have an awful premonition that I was going to fuck up on the first day. Oh, piss-it!

A bloody good ole English humor... Had me laughing!
I dunno, maybe it's the British acccent, or just Hugh Grant (possibly!) but "Love Actually" actually made me re-think my views on Love (yes it did!)... Love is definitely everywhere. One doesn't have to search for it really, coz for all you know, it's just right there in front of you...

: : In the midst of a foggy morning & sleepy me... : :

* {YAWN!!!!!}
It's been extremely hard to get up in the morning these past few days... What with the weather getting colder & wetter as we delve deeper into the -ber months... Argh... I really have to struggle to wake up... And it's a failing battle between me & my bed- with my comfy warm blankets & plump pillows... But I have to say I am more than the willing victim as I press the snooze button yet again for the upteenth time... Before I know it, I look at the clock & I know I'll be late yet again... I force myself to go to the bathroom and prepare myself for a cold COLD shower. My senses would temporarily awaken at this point, but as I put on my clothes & reach the office... The sight of the computers immediately transports me back into a kind of stupor... Haaay.... This is how I am every morning this past week.


* I saw a VCD of "Patch Adams" lying around the apartment one afternoon (one of my sister's reference materials) & being too lazy to go the gym (eventhough I promised myself to go to the gym to "buff it up" before the Palawan trip...), decided to watch it... It wasn't such a good movie to be perfectly honest, it was too sentimental to the point of being sappy, but the story (it was based on a true story) was touching indeed nevertheless... There was one particular line in the movie that struck a nerve in me...

See what no one else sees.

See what everyone chooses not to see...

out of fear, conformity or laziness.

See the whole world anew each day!

HOW TRUE!!!! I can particullarly apply this to a recent "event" that happened... I know a lot of people that claims & thinks that they're so tough, nonchalant, the usual I-don't-give-a-fuck attitude. But then something happened that is obviously screaming OFF & FOUL - an incident that is practically begging for an action-- ANY action! An admonition? Some censure? Castigation? SOMETHING - ANYTHING!!! But these same people with their devil may care attitude chose to turn a blind eye on it... Why? Out of FEAR of course...
It's crap I tell yah.
It's all about "politics" they say... But then again politics is crap.
I never was a people person... And I never did care much about "politics".
I'd rather keep the respect that I have for myself and stick to what I believe in rather than conform to anyone out of this so called "fear"...

: : hum hum... : :

* "A lie told often enough, becomes the truth..." - Lenin
Wouldn't you agree?
I believe so...
Any lie, told often enough to the right set & number of people, in time (even instantly) becomes the truth... Hmmmmm....

* Is there such a thing as a beautiful disaster? Because I know there is a disasteer waiting to happen if I let it be... It could be beautiful, or it could be not, depending on who's assesing... Though I know that in whatever angle I try to justify it, it's futile, coz I'll just be fighting a losing battle... Damn is this being caught up? Or perhaps just an encounter waiting for another encounter to happen? In need of a diversion to distract one's attention? or too much concentration on something? Damn... I can't believe this is so... It's just not me.
This isn't an admission... But merely a jumble of confused (and repressed?) emotions... Perhaps... But maybe not...

: : Vacation Time!!! : :

Trip to Palawan-Coron

After a loooong hiatus from the beach, your pisces princess will finally have her reunion with the sea!!! Haaay SALAMAT!!!!
We just confirmed our reservations today to go to Palawan-Coron for Oct 28-31!!! Yey!!! I can hardly wait! I'm excited! :-D Imagine 4 days & 3 nights of gorgeous beaches, island hopping, beaches, El Nido! more island hopping, beaches, & I get to go to a safari drive & even feed the giraffe! How amazing would that be?! I have this huge (jaw-splitting) smile on my face right now... Bliss...
And to wet our appetite for this trip, we're going to Balai Resort in Batangas this weekend... :-D Gonna start working on that tan, but not too much though. Gotta save some for Palawan... Oooh! And I just got a really cute belly ring to go with the beach outfits. Haha. Nice...

I've been so busy with work that I haven't had the time to go to the beach for the past 5 months! That's a long time for me. hehe I've lost my tan & I am now getting light skinned... My last beach getaway was with my sister last May 11...
I badly need this trip to get away from it all and just relax...
:-D

how dya like the counter? I got the idea from davey & ronnie. hehe

: : err... : :

to err is human...

They say it is all part of human nature to err... It's an accepted fact. But sometimes people use it as a security blanket and a quick excuse just to make that mistake that we know we are not supposed to commit in the first place. A choice is always involved before making any actions, so even for the spontaneous acts that we do, there's that millisecond in our brain when we ask ourselves if we're really up for whatever it is we're gonna do... Yet for some people, no matter the hundred - or the million warning signals that goes off in their brain, the prospect of doing the forbidden is just far too tempting to pass up... It's the sweetest sin to do what is forbidden... Haaaay....

: : lazy me : :

* It's been more than a month since my last entry... I'm becoming too lazy really... Or should i say lazier? I'm still stuck reading the same book - "The Historian" for the past couple of months now... Still stuck on the same song as well - kinda... And still feeling some remnants of my vulnerability from last month as well... So now I'm lazy & stuck in a rut? haha
Well not really - really!

* Life is a journey indeed... And everyday you learn something new. Or just when you thought you had things firgured out, something happens and it makes you realize that things are not always what they seem to be. May it be a good thing or a bad thing, you can never really tell. You'll never fully understand it until it happens to you. And unfortunately for most people, they learn it the hard way. But then I guess it usually happens in that order. That's the beauty of Life.

I'm sleepy...