: : Kung Hey Fat Choy : :

It's the Chinese New Year! It literally means wishing you plenty of wealth (wingleehong.com!), but people use this phrase to say Happy New Year. Oh well, no harm done in however you mean it.
Though the year has already started and we're almost done on the first month, I'd like to take this time as MY new year. Start afresh. So in Chinese ways, I'm really not that late, it's just the right time... Excuses!
But hey it's really never too late to recognize a change in one's life... Right? It takes a lot of courage to recognize one, and even more so to accept it. So what better time to do it but now.

January is named after the Roman god Janus who's seen as having two faces staring in opposite directions; one facing the past & one to the future... So before this month ends, I'd like to reflect on the past - the things & events that have happened, things that I've done, the people that have touched my life; everything that has shaped me to who & what I am right now... And from here, the question is, where do I want to go?
I don't want to make yet another New Year's resolution. Because I already know what will be on it. It's the same old list that I make every year.
Take this for an example, at the start of last year, I told myserlf I'll quit smoking, and I was able to quit smoking for almost 10 months! - But now I am back in the habit! The only thing that I was able to hold on to from my yearly resolution was staying at the gym... I'm still with my gym, but it doesn't mean that I'm as active as I want to be!!! But still at least I stuck in keeping my membership. :-D

But kidding aside, I want this year to be different. I don't just wish it, I want it to be so. I'm tired of all the negative crap that I allow myself to go through each and every damn year. Besides, there's already too much negativity in this world! So I'm going to be more POSITIVE this year. No more drama PLEASE! Enough with the past. No more stressing over what's been done and what could be. No other way but to go forward from here, and I'm gonna do it with a big SMILE with my head held up & of course with my posture just right.
Life is a journey as they say, and I sure had my fair share of obstacles along the way - but you "lose" some, you "gain" some. No regrets.
I'm still blessed to have a great Nanay & sister... I have great friends that I know I can count on no matter what... I have a good job. I'm blessed with a good Life.

So this year, I'll make it MY YEAR. :-) It will.
Life is a succession of moments. To live each one is to succeed.
Just gotta keep on breathing.

: : no more drama : :

No More Drama
By Mary J Blige

So tired, tired of these drama
No more, no more
I wanna be free
I'm so tired, so tired

Broken heart again
Another lesson learn
Better know your friends
Or else you will get burn
Gotta count on me
Cause I can guarantee
That I'll be fine

No more pain (no more pain)
No more pain (no more pain)
No drama (no more drama in my life)
Noone's gonna make me hurt again

Why'd I play the fool
Go through ups and downs
Knowing all the time
You wouldn't be around
Or maybe I like the stress
Cause I was young and restless
But that was long ago
I don't wanna cry no more

No more pain (no more pain)
No more game (no more game messin with my mind)
No drama (no more drama in my life)
Nooone's gonna make me hurt again
No more tears (no more tears, I'm tired of cryin everynight)
No more fears (no more fears, I really don't wanna cry)
No drama (no more drama in my life)
I don't ever wanna hurt again
Wanna speak my mind, wanna speak my mind

Uh, it feel so good
When you let go
Avoid these drama in your life
Now you're free from all the pain
Free from all the game
Free from all the stress
So find your happiness
I don't know
Only God knows where the story ends for me
But I know where the story begins
It's up to us to choose
Whether we win or loose
And I choose to win

No more pain (no more pain)
No more game (tired of your playin' game with my mind)
No drama (no more drama in my life)
No more, no more, No more, no more
No more tears (no more tears, no more cryin every night)
No more fears (no more waking be up in the morning)
No drama, no more in my life

No more drama, no more drama
No more drama, no more drama
NO MORE DRAMA
NO MORE DRAMA
NO MORE DRAMA
NO MORE DRAMA
NO MORE DRAMA
No more drama in my life
So tired, tired of these drama

-> Amen to that!

: : honestly... : :

feeling so down lately
having unbelievable extreme mood swings by the hour
have to be busy
attempt to focus
sometimes it actually works...
but most times... not

out of sight.
out of mind.
less talk.
less mistake.
no talk = no mistake.
i used to believe this works. i actually made it work for myself! for a time... but then i can only kid myself for so long... and now...
after the longest time of thinking & believing that i can avoid the unavoidable, & succeeding in the process for a time, i find myself to be in the same position that i promised myself i won't be in... yet here i am...
and now... nothing.
can't undo what's been done.
but I'm a big girl... i can handle this... i should be able to...
:-)
enough with the drama!
there are more depressing things in the world right now.
no other way but to go forward. no sense being stuck in a rut, for that won't do anybody good. get up, smell the pollution in the air and MOVE ON!
easier said than done, but still, it's worth a try.


*****************************************************
~Strong Enough~
by Sheryl Crow

God, I feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage I cannot fight
I’d be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Nothing’s true and nothing’s right
So let me be alone tonight
Cause you can’t change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I’ll believe
Lie to me
But please don’t leave

I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
It’s try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?

When I’ve shown you that I just don’t care
When I’m throwing punches in the air
When I’m broken down and I can’t stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I’ll believe
Lie to me
But please don’t leave

: : about a boy : :

About a boy...
Yes, it's always about a boy... The good. The Bad. Good & bad. Bad & good. The handsome ones, & the not so handsome ones... Of varying shapes & sizes & nationality... There will always be a boy...
But there comes a time when a girl meets a certain boy who can make everything else a bit different than the usual encounter... This certain boy who basically tilts the girl's world into a blundering confusion...
Where the girl can't seem to get the boy out of her mind... And she starts thinking about romantic notions that she thought she'd never even consider... At that point in her life... And she really should not do so... For she should know better! Because after all, he is still a boy... And boys will be boys...
She tries to be strong and keep "it" together... She tries with all her might. She tries to convince herself that she can handle it. And sometimes she actually even believes herself... But it's a losing battle. Because her heart has a mind of her own... And has already decided even before her mind could register what it is that was happening... But the mind still refuses to accept the inevitable, & will continue to do so... Thus hurting the girl in the entire stressful process... A dear friend suggested to just take the leap and get hurt, & feel...
But you have to understand that the girl has been through a lot already... And the situation is not exactly the forever picture...
So why take the risk? Too much has been risked already...
But damn... It hurts... It truly does physically hurt deep inside... - says the girl.

I think one can only silently cry inside for so long... And after while, the heart can only take so much and eventually a torrent of tears will eventually spring out from one's tired eyes...
And in that moment, you'd be eternally grateful that you have a dear friend's shoulder to cry on to...

Thank you Paul! Love yah much...

: : new year blues : :

My first post for the New Year...

It's just the start of the year & yet so much stuff has happened in such a short span of time... It would've been great if the things that happened were all good, but sadly most of it are not good at all... But let's not go there as yet, let's start with the good ones first...

On the day of new year's eve, I was all excited to break the year right with my dear Mum & lil sis at New World Hotel. Although it would've been nice to spend it with the whole family back in Laguna, it was quite refreshing to have that time exclusively for just the three of us. It was great fun - bonding with Mom & sis like old times when we were in Guyana. It was quite poetic in a sense, because from now on, officially that is, it truly is and will always be just the three of us. :-) Now I miss my Mum...
After the quality time spent with my family, I met up with some dear friends from the office and we partied the night away until the sun was up! Great crazy fun... From Embassy to Fiama's, then back to Embassy... Sometime in the night I had a tiff with a guy friend of mine over something silly - like about a certain boy! Long story...
A story that is actually still on the making or something like it, and would most likely just be left hanging and no clear ending... But that would have to be in another post of it's own...
Back to my guy friend... Had lunch with him the next Monday & we had our little "talk" & cleared things up... We're good now. I'm glad that we were able to clear things up right away. It was a good thing that we did, coz I had no idea what was in store for me right after this...
But then again who does?!

Right now I'm not in good terms with a very dear friend of mine... And I'm really affected by it... Although we're not talking & things are blurry with us at the moment, I still consider her as a good friend... But it's just sad to find out that all it took was something really lame for us to be in this state. It's sad, because I thought we were both better than this...
(sigh)