Saturday, March 05, 2005

: : Single Affairs I


I can't decide whether it's the effect of being in the Love month of February, but lately it seems that the topic of all conversation seems to be about being in a relationship. Now don't get me wrong, it's actually quite a hilariously fun topic, what with the unending tales of lovely mushiness and oodles and oodles of sweetness galore and nonsensical sweet nothings. It's especially great to talk about such relationships when you are IN a relationship, but for the other half of the population that’s NOT IN a relationship, now THAT is a another story.

Now being part of that other half who happens to be unattached gives me a first hand experience on how it is to endure that undying questions that follow the usual question that is : "Do you have a boyfriend?". And then of course you answer that you don’t have one, then comes the REACTIONS.

* Some would tactfully ask "Oh. Why?". Now I've been single for almost five years now (Ohmagod… Hyperventilate for a moment there. (Harhar) technically speaking that is since I haven't really made it anything oficial, and to date, I still can't figure out how do people expect one to answer that question. But eventually you come out with something like, "I guess I just haven’t met him as yet", or something along those lines…

* Some good ones would ask when was the last time you had a relationship, and of course with this question it would eventually lead to a history-of-your-love-life 101 to the one wanting to know. And sometimes this would be quite a sensitive issue, and sometimes, just plain something that you don’t want to talk about, or something that’s just not worth talking about, or you probably just don’t want to talk to that person altogether.

* But some would ask if you've ever had a boyfriend, dropping the hint that perhaps you're just the plain loser destined to not have a boyfriend

* And of course there are the matchmakers that would forever match you up with somebody that is to their description a very eligible bachelor

* And there are those that, after asking just simply stay quiet… Leaving you wondering just what they may be thinking about after divulging such info… Or if they think anything at all…

* And of course there's your family. Now that in itself is one WHOLE story. =D

SIGH
I haven't really given much thought about my status… Well at least not as much as to how much I am now. =) And it all doesn’t really sit in that well especially right now when I'm about to turn a year older… It seems to me like somebody has signaled the checkered flag and the race is on!!! Singletons go for the finish line to a relationship! Harhar

To be honest, sometimes I analyze myself to check and see if perhaps the fault is with me. Why don't I have a boyfriend? And it's not about the issue of not having choices, and I don't mean to blow my own whistle, but I do have (and had) choices to pick from. I'm picky, yes indeed I am. Maybe too picky perhaps? Perhaps. But isn't it a good thing that at least I know what I want? That is, at least I know what it is don't want, that much I know.
Are my standards too high? Perhaps. Too much expectations? Perhaps.
But isn't it better to have a sense of some standard, rather than having none?
I'm not the type to just settle for anything less.
And better to have AN expectation than expect nothing at all? That would just be too easy and bland.

People ask me what I'm really looking for in a guy…
How does a girl answer that?
But honestly speaking, I really don't know.
I can't define it.
It's one of those things that when you do see it, you'll just KNOW.
I'm looking for the spark as a good friend of mine would like to call it.
It's all about the spark.
Hmmm…

: : Change? Change! Change. : :


“There is nothing permanent except change.” - Heraclitus
Some change for the better…
Some do for the worst…
And some just don’t change for anything at all…
But they still inevitably change…
In some way, in their own way.
Nothing is permanent.
Nothing.
Not a single damn thing.

One must learn to accept that there are some things you can change, and some that you cannot.
If you can change it, think twice, thrice about it. For every change in anything would cause a ripple effect in other things. Obviously… Ineffably… Whether it be good or bad…
If you cannot change it, admit it. It would be a lot easier if you do.
They say you must also have the wisdom to distinguish which ones in our lives needs to be changed and what need not be changed…
There will always be decisions to decide on.
Choices to be made…
And risks to be taken.