: : wala lang... : :

two hours to go & i will be on my 3 day off from work... 3 & 1/2 actually since I'll be done by 2pm.
It's a break that I'm looking forward to...
I'll be going home to Laguna to spend some time with my family... It's my Lolo's birthday as well... I don't know if the plan to go to Caliraya will push thru, but hopefully it does... I'm in dire need for some R&R, and going to the Lake would be a welcome to my senses...
I feel drained...
Tired...
I need to recuperate and rrecharge my energies.
Hopefully the trip home will do just that...

**********************************************************
~ some quotes that made me wonder this week ~

"Life is the longest Death..." - I caught this in a song which title I can't remember.. It's tragick... Deep, & Dark... Sad... But could possibly be true...

"To be banal about it, things were slower in the past... Everyithing now seems to be in a fast forward mode... All at once in one moment... As a result of this, highs are higher, and depressions deeper..." - Hmmm... This basically ultimately summarizes our life now.

: : OFF day : :

I finally had my OFF day from work!!! FINALLY goddamit!!!=D
So that definitely placed a smile on my face...
Though I am back at work now (HUHUHU! Goddamit!!!)
But I'm ok now. One day OFF from work is still way better than having none at all...

I was able to spend some quality time with my precious ME!
I went to the gym to work all my frustrations and stress from work, spent extra more time in the sauna to sweat out all the toxins (from work yet again). Scheduled a massage. And best of all, I indulged myself on a little shopping! SHOPPING!!! Hehe. It was quite therapeutic. Though I didn't really buy much. Yes, I've finally learned how to control myself from splurging on items that I don't really need. Damn! That sounded so convincing that I even convinced even myself there for a minute! LOL! But seriously, I'm way better now than how I was last year. Seeing the credit bills helped a lot. Anyway, yesterday I bought myself a tub of body cream from BodyShop(I really needed one), 2 tanktops(white & brown)from Topshop(i've always wanted to get these - always!), and a pair of ultra comfy army green flipflops(it's really comfy, in fact, i'm wearing it now).
I met up with a dear friend of mine for dinner - Paul(his bday's comin up!!!), we ended up in Red Crab. The food was great! I ate a whole lot!!! Afterwards we had coffee at Starbucks. Good food, good conversation, great company - It was a good night!
I met up with Pia & Co in Metrowalk at around 11:30 and did a couple of our usual round of beer drinking. As usual, we both wanted to do some dancing, but the bar that we ended up in was only playing House music for the night. Damnit! But it was ok, we still jiggled a bit, just a bit. FUN FUN FUN as always with Pia girl. Hehe
At the end of the night I was totally crushing on this guy!!! *wink*wink* A charmer extraordinaire. I swear he was like a babe magnet in the bar... Chicks were approaching him non-stop! And of course that's what got me kinda hooked like a fish is to a bait. For that night that is.
Damnit!
=)

Oh, and did I mention that I went home at around 3:00 and had to be at work for 6:00AM. So now, I am suffering from lack of sleep and a slight hangover...

: : Grrrr moment : :

my day entire day was going so well actually. I guess it was going too well, coz just when I was about to call it a day, something had to come up to change everything. And to think that I was very much looking forward to spend my precious couple of days off from work...

A colleague called in sick. That's fine actually. Over time right? Money right? I'm in the afternoon shift this week, still am right now, and the guy that called in sick is doing the morning shift... I figure since I'm still in the office as we speak, which is 9:46PM to be precise, surely my colleague who did the AM shift today could do the AM shift tomorrow and I can continue on to do the PM shift. It's the most logical thing to do. But I guess for some people, simple consideration is a term that is foreign to their vocabulary. So now, I have to get back to work in less than 8 hours after this shift... To be in time to cover the morning shift at 6AM.

Isn't that fabulous? *snicker*

: :An Affair to Remember/Love Affair: :

It never fails... I always end up in tears(BAWLING!) after watching this movie... No matter how many times I've seen it, have memorized most of the lines, and knowing exactly what will happen next... The movie still moves me to cry my eyes out...
For me, it has to be one of the most romantic movie of all time...
It's the kind of movie that makes you want to fall in love again...
To feel Love, and be Loved...
It gives you that warm fuzzy feeling inside you that makes you want to hug that certain somebody...
It's a Love story that we all wish would someday happen to us.
To meet that somebody, regardless of the place and time, regardless of anything...
If it's meant to happen, it will happen.

I was having a chat with a friend of mine the other day, and we were talking about our "love life". Or I should say her Love life, for she is definitely in Love and has been so for almost 5 years, and for my part, well, let's just say my "experiences"... =)
5 years ago, I was the one in love and giving her the advices, and now, it was quite amusing to see that the tables have been turned and how she is now advicing me on matters about the heart. That's Life for you.
Our conversation veered off to this movie, and how we love it... And how terribly romantic would it be if I was to meet somebody like that...
But then wait, I have already! Without the Love on my part that is...0
Terrible...
She suggested that perhaps the movie had too much of an effect on me... Except that I've been mostly having "affairs" and forgetting (or avoiding?) the Love in it.
Perhaps...

But I think An Affair to Remember sounds much much better than AffairS to Remember.

=)

: : an idle mind breeds ALL sorts of thoughts! : :

i was going to say idle minds breeds evil thoughts but then again the more i thought about the the thoughts being thought about in this state(that's a LOT of thoughts there...) it's not all pure evil really... but then again who's to judge that whatever it is that one is thinking about is evil? and then of course my usual form of argument would follow with this line of thought in mind... that which being what's evil to me may not be evil to you.

it's all relative really...
like everything else is as i believe...

in those idle moments wherein one has absolutely nothing else to do, like me for example, right now of course, these are the moments when i amaze even myself of the nonsensical crap that my brain can procure... from everything to nothing and then back again... realizations, reminiscing, aspirations, downfalls & goals, & all other what-nots that leaves me as a confounded fool...

melodramatic...
poetic...
gibberish...
befuddled!!!
craziness?
perhaps.

zzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

: : just some thoughts to ponder... : :

I was just talking to a dear friend of mine... We've known each other since we were seven years old! We've seen each other transform from the fun, & awkward days of grade school into the awkward self (still) that we are now. =) I hardly get to see or chat with him especially since we both have a weird work schedule... But it never fails to amaze me how easy it is to strike up a conversation with him at any given time. And I usually call him up to get that "reality-bites check" talk. And tonight was something like that.
I told him I'm bored - yes, AGAIN!!!
Funny how I could be bored when I just came from my beach break... It's just that everything seems to be becoming so monotonous... So mundane... Ordinary...
And I guess one of my worst fear is to be such...
Funny when you think about it coz mundane and ordinary is synonymous to Normal...
So I guess I fear most to be normal!
The irony of Life...
He asked if I was ok... How ok is ok? Am i ok?
I guess I am.
I mean I am.
I really am.

Work's fine... Really.
Though I wish things could be better, like everybody else. Otherwise, it's fine.

Friends are fine...
In Life we meet a lot of people.
You either like them or you don't...
I have very few poeple that I consider friends.
The rest I consider as acquaintances.
I miss my old friends... I'm too sentimental really.

The Love life is in fact quite colorful even. =)
Though I have realized that everytime I face a situation where I know it could lead to a "relationship", I tend to take ten (a hundred?) steps backward... Admittedly it has become a sort of defence mechanism as a colleague friend of mine has described it...
Take this one incident: There's this guy that I was "seeing" late last year. He's nice. We got along well. He makes me laugh. And best thing of all was he made me feel extra special. Admittedly now, we were practically a couple. Hell we were acting and doing stuff that couples do. But it was never really formalized. And I didn't consider him as a boyfriend... But when he did verbalize the "relationship" thing with us - I freaked out. I hyperventilated! So of course that was that. =) Some say I was harsh, even cold...
Am I?
Right now, there's this one guy that I recently just hooked up with... I barely know anything about him really... Yet there's something about him that has quite intrigued me... He's not as predictable like most men are, and I think that's what's gripping me... I'm just waiting for the defence wall to come up! =) I know it's bound to turn up anytime soon... Or maybe I should just take this plunge? We'll see...

Hay....

: : Summer Time : :

It's Summer!!! Sun is shining on endless sunny days... Cool hot nights... *wink* Warm breeze to soothe our sun-kissed skin... Bob Marley in the background... Perfect... Best time to hit the Beaches! But then again if you're like me, any time is a good time to hit the beach. I'm really usually more of a nocturnal lover, but come summer time I transform into a sun worshipper... I LOVE SUMMER! I can't wait to spend time in the beach to just laze around and do nothing... I swear I must've been a beach bum, a mermaid, or probably a fish in a previous lifetime coz I just can't seem to get enough of the Beach... Not to mention that I was born under the sign of the Fish... I guess you can say that I'm on a natural high right now.

Just recently spent my entire holy week in the beaches of Puerto Galera with my constant partner in crime these days - Pia! We spent 4 days and 3 night in Galera... It was awesome as usual... I had a BLAST! And a great tan line(I'm still glowingly well tanned)! Hehe In fact I'm still feeling the after effects and still high with the experience...

First thing that we did was to get our henna tattoo. I had mine on my lower back, it looked great with my bikinis. =) We spent the entire afternoon just lazing around on the beach. Just lyin around under the sun, chit chatting, swam... Totally relaxing... Later on in the night, we had dinner by the beach and started off the night in this Reggae Bar called Coco Aroma. I actually discovered this bar in my last trip here just Last January. It's a nice place where you can listen and jam with great (& some that are not too great) local artists. Or to put it simply, it's the perfect setting to get really drunk. Haha =) Think about it : Reggae + Alcohol + Beach + Moon = God Awful Hangover in the Morning. After the first set, we went walking around and checked out the SMB Concert - it was wildness indeed! The boys had a ball with the ladies in action on stage.


(to be continued...)

: : Single Affairs I

I can't decide whether it's the effect of being in the Love month of February, but lately it seems that the topic of all conversation seems to be about being in a relationship. Now don't get me wrong, it's actually quite a hilariously fun topic, what with the unending tales of lovely mushiness and oodles and oodles of sweetness galore and nonsensical sweet nothings. It's especially great to talk about such relationships when you are IN a relationship, but for the other half of the population that’s NOT IN a relationship, now THAT is a another story.

Now being part of that other half who happens to be unattached gives me a first hand experience on how it is to endure that undying questions that follow the usual question that is : "Do you have a boyfriend?". And then of course you answer that you don’t have one, then comes the REACTIONS.

* Some would tactfully ask "Oh. Why?". Now I've been single for almost five years now (Ohmagod… Hyperventilate for a moment there. (Harhar) technically speaking that is since I haven't really made it anything oficial, and to date, I still can't figure out how do people expect one to answer that question. But eventually you come out with something like, "I guess I just haven’t met him as yet", or something along those lines…

* Some good ones would ask when was the last time you had a relationship, and of course with this question it would eventually lead to a history-of-your-love-life 101 to the one wanting to know. And sometimes this would be quite a sensitive issue, and sometimes, just plain something that you don’t want to talk about, or something that’s just not worth talking about, or you probably just don’t want to talk to that person altogether.

* But some would ask if you've ever had a boyfriend, dropping the hint that perhaps you're just the plain loser destined to not have a boyfriend

* And of course there are the matchmakers that would forever match you up with somebody that is to their description a very eligible bachelor

* And there are those that, after asking just simply stay quiet… Leaving you wondering just what they may be thinking about after divulging such info… Or if they think anything at all…

* And of course there's your family. Now that in itself is one WHOLE story. =D

SIGH
I haven't really given much thought about my status… Well at least not as much as to how much I am now. =) And it all doesn’t really sit in that well especially right now when I'm about to turn a year older… It seems to me like somebody has signaled the checkered flag and the race is on!!! Singletons go for the finish line to a relationship! Harhar

To be honest, sometimes I analyze myself to check and see if perhaps the fault is with me. Why don't I have a boyfriend? And it's not about the issue of not having choices, and I don't mean to blow my own whistle, but I do have (and had) choices to pick from. I'm picky, yes indeed I am. Maybe too picky perhaps? Perhaps. But isn't it a good thing that at least I know what I want? That is, at least I know what it is don't want, that much I know.
Are my standards too high? Perhaps. Too much expectations? Perhaps.
But isn't it better to have a sense of some standard, rather than having none?
I'm not the type to just settle for anything less.
And better to have AN expectation than expect nothing at all? That would just be too easy and bland.

People ask me what I'm really looking for in a guy…
How does a girl answer that?
But honestly speaking, I really don't know.
I can't define it.
It's one of those things that when you do see it, you'll just KNOW.
I'm looking for the spark as a good friend of mine would like to call it.
It's all about the spark.
Hmmm…

: : Change? Change! Change. : :

“There is nothing permanent except change.” - Heraclitus
Some change for the better…
Some do for the worst…
And some just don’t change for anything at all…
But they still inevitably change…
In some way, in their own way.
Nothing is permanent.
Nothing.
Not a single damn thing.

One must learn to accept that there are some things you can change, and some that you cannot.
If you can change it, think twice, thrice about it. For every change in anything would cause a ripple effect in other things. Obviously… Ineffably… Whether it be good or bad…
If you cannot change it, admit it. It would be a lot easier if you do.
They say you must also have the wisdom to distinguish which ones in our lives needs to be changed and what need not be changed…
There will always be decisions to decide on.
Choices to be made…
And risks to be taken.

: : a series of unfortunate events could turn out to be fortunate still : :

A day more for February and then would be March. March! Already!
I feel like February just flew past me.
I've been so busy... Work has been hectic. I haven't had the chance to go to the province for a break. Of course there was Valentines which I barely felt since I was at work. Was supposed to go to the beach for a weekend thing sometime there but that didn't push thruough either because something came up at work.
Everything's been work, work, work lately...
I haven't had the chance to go to the gym as often as I wanted to. I tried to do the south beach diet for a week, I couldn't do it. It was hard! Imagine no bread, no rice, no pasta, no fruits, no potato - NO CARB! I felt like I was gonna pass out any minute there. I didn't have the energy to do anything when I was in it.
So I decided to stop the diet, and stick with the NO DIET at all thing.
Even dieting is tiring. It really is.
So now of course I feel like a whale.
Oh whatever.

It's a Sunday and yet again (but of course!) I'm at work! But it's ok. It's a slow day, and I'm just taking it easy. At least I was able to accomplish the morning CRP, as well as the other jobs for printing. Not too bad for an over time.
I guess I'm really not fussing since I know that come Monday till Wednesday, I'll be finally having my OFF days from work! Thank God!!!
Tomorrow morning I'll be off to Laguna to see my Lolo & Lola. I'm even looking forward to see my Dad! I can't wait to breathe in some fresh air into my system.

It's been a good month actually. Not really that bad.
Of course you can't have everything perfectly the way you want it to be.
But it's been ok.
I was actually able to catch up with the movies. And finally went on that date... But... =) Such is life.
Though I got a ticket this month for apparently my mean green machine is a smoke belcher! =) I got that ironed out ok.
I've had a series of unfortunate events (as that of the movie), but you know what, I'm feeling great, and quite happy about myself since I was able to surpass it all and still manage to smile about it. It's something that I just realized. A new outlook perhaps? To just smile.
I'm feeling good.
Life's good.
Like what I told a friend of mine the other day, I'm actually in a "loving" mood....
Love...
Maybe it's because it's February.
Or maybe it's because of the full moon.
Whatever it is, it's all good.

: : restless me : :

i'm still feeling a bit off the weather...
and it's not even that time of the month for me...
my BLAH period as I have decided to call it...
and i can't seem to pin point what exactly is causing it...

maybe I miss my Mum...
perhaps...
she left to go back to Fiji just recently...

maybe I'm bored with work...
I am.
In fact, out of whim, I headed down south with a friend of mine and we spent the weekend by the beach. I've always been very fond of the beach. It never fails to calm and soothe my nerves. And though the trip there was fantastic - even adventurous. It didn't completely vanish the mood I'm in as I thought it would.
I'm still in the same mood as I was before I left...
work is... well how should I describe it...
same... nothing new... just same...
and maybe that's why i'm getting bored...
maybe...

or maybe it's about a guy...
they say it's always about a guy...
for some...
i realized that guys will tell a girl anything just to get what they want...
that's what i'm told...
and it's what i learned through experience...
so i've learned to be on guard...
so how does one know when to let the guard down?
how does one know when they're actually telling the truth for a change?
words... just words...

: : ? : :

as you can see, i'm dangerously in a mood right now

: : Me, me, ME: :

Most people perceive me as the snobbish type.
I am.
A lot of them would say I'm mataray, a girl with an attitude problem.
I probably I am.
In fact I know I am like that... At most times...
I definitely am.

I am Bitchy.
Moody.
And very temperemental.
Don't even ask.
My mood swings are as unpredictable as the weather in Guyana.

I'm the type of person who will not talk to you unless you speak with me first.
Most of the time I walk with my chin help up high, looking head on, but not really looking at anything in particular - not even you. That's why it's more than likely that I would just ignore you if ever I do pass by you in the hallway... Nothing personal really. That's just how I am.

I'm stubborm.
I always insist that I'm right, even when I know deep down that I'm wrong.
I can twist things around to make things right - MY way.

I have this nasty habit of procrastinating things - but then again, who doesn't?

I'm also very Vain...
A paranoid hypochondriac whose ultimate fear in Life is dying.
A perfectionist at heart when I want to, and an ultimate lazy slob when the mood arises.

Why am I saying all these things?
Because I want to.

: : Resolution 2005 : :

2005
----
Although we're already half-way through January, I'm still basking in the remnants of welcoming the new year - post-wise style I know. And of course, with the welcoming of the new year also comes the making of one's resolution - yet again. Now I know most resolutions made are hardly if not never kept, but usually broken faster than you can even make one.
I hardly make any resolutions really. And if ever I do, I never do keep them
But this year, I'd REALLY like to turn a new leaf and actually make a resolution or two (or more) and try (better than nothing at all) to actually keep them - seriously!
So here it goes...

2004 was a financially disappointing one for me... Basically because I spent too much!!! So this year, I'll try to be less compulsive when shopping. Better yet, I'll try to cut down shopping altogether! I have this terrible habit of having a panick attack when shopping for anything - it's crazy! My credit card bill is a screaming witness to those moments... Anyway... SO this year is all about being frugal, frugal, FRUGAL...

Moving on... Now I stopped smoking for almost a year - 8 months to be exact... But you know what the old saying goes, some habits die hard, so to cut it short, I'm back on it. I don't want to say that I'll quit smoking, coz I honestly know I can't. But I can say that I will cut back on it... It's a terribly bad habit I know... To allieviate my already guilty-of-nicotine soul for this, I'll invest more time in the gym.

---> to be continued...

: : " Life's Simple Advice " : :

Don't date because you are desperate.
Don't marry because you are miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.

Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because you are smarter.
Don't demand because you are stronger.

Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough and know
better.

Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.
Don't stagnate.

Don't regress.
Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr/Mrs Right.
Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr Wrong because your
biological clock is ticking.

Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won. Only a price to be paid for
some of life's more hasty decisions.
To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy. (or a cat! )
Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.

To make yourself happy, pursue your passions and be the best of what
you can be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, and
dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.

Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your
family.
Be true to yourself.
Don't commit when you are not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.

Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.

Write poetry.
Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot.
Dance with wild abandon.
Cry at the movies.

Take care of yourself.
Don't wait for someone to take care of you.
You light up your life.
You drive yourself to your destination.
No one completes you - except YOU.

It is true that life does not get easier with age. It only gets more
challenging.
Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions.

Live your dreams.
Don't lose faith in your God.
Don't grow old. Just grow YOU!



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

create your own life then go out and live it without regrets...

: : 2005!!! : :

It's a New Year yet again Baby!
Amazing...
Overwhelming to realize that 2004 is over...
Time doesn't stop for anyone of course - whether you're having a great life or otherwise...
Another start of the year to reflect on one's life...
To assess one's goals and aspirations...
And see LIFE... YOUR Life... and what has become of you...
Wonder if you "like" what you see in you... and around you...

The year didn't exactly start off in a good way... What with the Tsunami disaster in our neighbouring country... Doesn't it make you think(again) that Life is truly too short? And that one just never knows... Just that.. You just never know what destiny has in store for you as the cliche goes...
Hundreds of thousands of lives were wiped out literally in just moments...
Status, Race, Age, and one's gender does not matter...
When your time comes, nothing else can help you...
Coz that will be IT...
You just never know...

- * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - *

I've always been a hypochondriac...
And my ultimate fear in life is death...
If I was given a choice, I'd rather not die really...
I would love to be an immortal, for I simply don't want to die... Thus explains my fascination with Anne Rice's novels about vampires...
I'm paranoid when I get sick...
"My head hurts - I'm dying"
"My tummy hurts - I'm dying"
"I cut myself(teensy weensy papercut) - I'm gonna die"
That's Me.

My family has a history of diabetes, high blood pressure, and even cancer to name a few. I've stopped eating red meat, coz I read an article that eating red meat increases your risk of cancer... Been (red)meat-less for 6 months now...
I've joined a gym to have a healthier lifestyle. Or at least I try...

I'm a worry wuss...

But for 2005, I've decided that worrying too much won't get you anywhere.
I mean, everybody dies eventually. Though I still don't want to die...
But I don't have to worry about that...
At least not now...
Life's too short.
And life should be lived to the fullest.
Whavetever happens, everyday should be a celebration of Life...
They say death should not be seen as an ending, but a beginning of another voyage in Life...
Everything happens for a reason...
For some, it may seem impossible to even have a reason for one's death, but beyond the grief and even anger, there ultimately is...

I think that's just too much death talk!!! =)

As I've said, for 2005...
Life is way too short...
Live life to the fullest!!!

: : my hair & my diet (totally clueless-like): :

I had a hair make over the other day... Had a hair cut to put the style in as well as having it professionally colored for the very first time!!! (There goes my technically virgin hair!) I had those home coloring kits before, twice, & my Mum had to do it for me. And I gotta say that doing it in the salon doesn't really differ much from it. The color seems to concentrate more on the top of my head as always!!! Or would the color subside a bit after a few washings? But then that's absurd coz I paid to have my hair - it's whole entirety included I presumed, to be colored... And now I have to wash it off a bit to take out the color?! Oh well... It's not really that bad... Perhaps I'm just paranoid as usual coz it's something new to me... But I like it... It's almost as if the color of my hair transformed me - my personality and the way I carry myself...
Who am I kidding! It's only been 2 days since I did it!!! Haha... I guess I am getting ahead of myself. But then that's how I feel. I gotta check again in a couple of days more... =)
It does look great on pictures though! (Narcisstic me talking there) Now how do i attain the same "look" that I had after stepping out of th salon on my own? The problem is, it took two staff to create such a look with my hair... Oh drat...
When I attended the company xmas party the other night (but of course I did it before the party dahling!), my girls whom I haven't seen in a while told me that I seem to have lost some weight. Huh??? I've been gorging on food lately and I know I've gained weight! I know so - admittedly. But they all say they just want to smack me for saying so... It's weird though, coz everytime I do the "eating healthy bit" or also know as dieting, they tell me that I'm gaining weight. But when I ditch dieting and binge out at McDonalds, they tell me I've lost weight! Is there some kind of conspiracy going on here? I wonder.... Hmmm.... lol =)
So I guess for the new year I should just stop bothering with the dieting bit and just eat and eat and eat whatever I want!(except pork and beef coz I've really quit eating them) It works better for me it seems...
Eat more to slim down... Lol =)

: : Merry Season '04 : :

Yup 'tis the season to be jolly yet again... And indeed it is... Parties, reunion, or just a simple get-together seems to be endless soon as December kicks in... After 11 months of slaving through work (for most of us working that is), this is the month to unwind, be with friends - both old and new, and just be merry. After 11 months of having (or trying?) a diet, this is also the season to throw away such notions and just simply indulge on everything that we have resisted (at least for most of us! Some people have a stronger will power to resist still). Food galore, and flowing booze wherever you go! (But of course this shouldn't really be so... We should still stick with the "healthy" diet and drink and eat in moderation.... Oh come on!!! Realistically speaking we all know we forget (or should I say ignore?) such things when it's Christmas!!!)
though it's still hard to be merry specially whenever i think about the loss of my beloved dog...
A week to go before christmas... Yet to be honest, I'm still really not feeling very "christmasy"... Sure I'm happy with all the festivities. I'm also glad that my Mum is in the country right now to spend the holidays with us. And sure of course I LOVE the presents, as well the act of the giving of gifts (though I still haven't actually completed my list, come to think of it I don't exactly have a list! More like just whoever I remember... I really do have to organize and get down to doing things...). But somehow, there's still something missing... And no, it's not because I don't have a significant other for that matter! That's a totally different story altogether. Hehe. But seriously now... I miss the feeling that I had when I was just a kid... When for the whole year, all you're anticipating for is the christmas season... That time when I used to believe in santa claus... That only "nice" girls would get gifts on christmas day, so better not be a naughty girl... And never get fed up of how Baby Jesus was born on that day... And believing...
I guess I miss the feeling of truly believing on christmas...
I'm no Scrooge or anything... I participate in the celebration and everything... But I guess somehow, in some time, somewhere along the line, I stopped believing... Lost the spirit...
I grew up.
That's what happened.

=)

: : Moochie... : :

My baby's gone...
She died last Friday morning, 3rd December... She was ran over by a truck... I haven't felt so much sadness in my heart for such a long while... We love her dearly... The thought of her being gone never even entered my mind... And to think that she had a brutal death...
To some it may seem like I'm just over reacting... That she's just a pet dog... But Moochie was more than that... Just writing about her loss is too much for me...
Maybe soon I can write about her without shedding a tear... Soon... I hope...
But not now...

: : of typhoons, colds, and what-nots... : :

* my country's literally being attacked by a series of storms this past week... it's a sad thing to see what's happening especially in the rural areas where there has been flash floods, land slides, more floods, and more disaster... The death toll is staggering...

* my mother's scheduled to fly in the country in a couple of days... I hope this will not delay her arrival... I miss my Mom...

* I have this unending cold... Most likely because of the weather...

* I'm still feeling confused... Maybe even more confused as I was before... Oh well... Such is life...