: : restless me : :

i'm still feeling a bit off the weather...
and it's not even that time of the month for me...
my BLAH period as I have decided to call it...
and i can't seem to pin point what exactly is causing it...

maybe I miss my Mum...
perhaps...
she left to go back to Fiji just recently...

maybe I'm bored with work...
I am.
In fact, out of whim, I headed down south with a friend of mine and we spent the weekend by the beach. I've always been very fond of the beach. It never fails to calm and soothe my nerves. And though the trip there was fantastic - even adventurous. It didn't completely vanish the mood I'm in as I thought it would.
I'm still in the same mood as I was before I left...
work is... well how should I describe it...
same... nothing new... just same...
and maybe that's why i'm getting bored...
maybe...

or maybe it's about a guy...
they say it's always about a guy...
for some...
i realized that guys will tell a girl anything just to get what they want...
that's what i'm told...
and it's what i learned through experience...
so i've learned to be on guard...
so how does one know when to let the guard down?
how does one know when they're actually telling the truth for a change?
words... just words...

: : ? : :

as you can see, i'm dangerously in a mood right now

: : Me, me, ME: :

Most people perceive me as the snobbish type.
I am.
A lot of them would say I'm mataray, a girl with an attitude problem.
I probably I am.
In fact I know I am like that... At most times...
I definitely am.

I am Bitchy.
Moody.
And very temperemental.
Don't even ask.
My mood swings are as unpredictable as the weather in Guyana.

I'm the type of person who will not talk to you unless you speak with me first.
Most of the time I walk with my chin help up high, looking head on, but not really looking at anything in particular - not even you. That's why it's more than likely that I would just ignore you if ever I do pass by you in the hallway... Nothing personal really. That's just how I am.

I'm stubborm.
I always insist that I'm right, even when I know deep down that I'm wrong.
I can twist things around to make things right - MY way.

I have this nasty habit of procrastinating things - but then again, who doesn't?

I'm also very Vain...
A paranoid hypochondriac whose ultimate fear in Life is dying.
A perfectionist at heart when I want to, and an ultimate lazy slob when the mood arises.

Why am I saying all these things?
Because I want to.

: : Resolution 2005 : :

2005
----
Although we're already half-way through January, I'm still basking in the remnants of welcoming the new year - post-wise style I know. And of course, with the welcoming of the new year also comes the making of one's resolution - yet again. Now I know most resolutions made are hardly if not never kept, but usually broken faster than you can even make one.
I hardly make any resolutions really. And if ever I do, I never do keep them
But this year, I'd REALLY like to turn a new leaf and actually make a resolution or two (or more) and try (better than nothing at all) to actually keep them - seriously!
So here it goes...

2004 was a financially disappointing one for me... Basically because I spent too much!!! So this year, I'll try to be less compulsive when shopping. Better yet, I'll try to cut down shopping altogether! I have this terrible habit of having a panick attack when shopping for anything - it's crazy! My credit card bill is a screaming witness to those moments... Anyway... SO this year is all about being frugal, frugal, FRUGAL...

Moving on... Now I stopped smoking for almost a year - 8 months to be exact... But you know what the old saying goes, some habits die hard, so to cut it short, I'm back on it. I don't want to say that I'll quit smoking, coz I honestly know I can't. But I can say that I will cut back on it... It's a terribly bad habit I know... To allieviate my already guilty-of-nicotine soul for this, I'll invest more time in the gym.

---> to be continued...

: : " Life's Simple Advice " : :

Don't date because you are desperate.
Don't marry because you are miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.

Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because you are smarter.
Don't demand because you are stronger.

Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough and know
better.

Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.
Don't stagnate.

Don't regress.
Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr/Mrs Right.
Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr Wrong because your
biological clock is ticking.

Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won. Only a price to be paid for
some of life's more hasty decisions.
To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy. (or a cat! )
Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.

To make yourself happy, pursue your passions and be the best of what
you can be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, and
dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.

Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your
family.
Be true to yourself.
Don't commit when you are not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.

Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.

Write poetry.
Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot.
Dance with wild abandon.
Cry at the movies.

Take care of yourself.
Don't wait for someone to take care of you.
You light up your life.
You drive yourself to your destination.
No one completes you - except YOU.

It is true that life does not get easier with age. It only gets more
challenging.
Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions.

Live your dreams.
Don't lose faith in your God.
Don't grow old. Just grow YOU!



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

create your own life then go out and live it without regrets...

: : 2005!!! : :

It's a New Year yet again Baby!
Amazing...
Overwhelming to realize that 2004 is over...
Time doesn't stop for anyone of course - whether you're having a great life or otherwise...
Another start of the year to reflect on one's life...
To assess one's goals and aspirations...
And see LIFE... YOUR Life... and what has become of you...
Wonder if you "like" what you see in you... and around you...

The year didn't exactly start off in a good way... What with the Tsunami disaster in our neighbouring country... Doesn't it make you think(again) that Life is truly too short? And that one just never knows... Just that.. You just never know what destiny has in store for you as the cliche goes...
Hundreds of thousands of lives were wiped out literally in just moments...
Status, Race, Age, and one's gender does not matter...
When your time comes, nothing else can help you...
Coz that will be IT...
You just never know...

- * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - *

I've always been a hypochondriac...
And my ultimate fear in life is death...
If I was given a choice, I'd rather not die really...
I would love to be an immortal, for I simply don't want to die... Thus explains my fascination with Anne Rice's novels about vampires...
I'm paranoid when I get sick...
"My head hurts - I'm dying"
"My tummy hurts - I'm dying"
"I cut myself(teensy weensy papercut) - I'm gonna die"
That's Me.

My family has a history of diabetes, high blood pressure, and even cancer to name a few. I've stopped eating red meat, coz I read an article that eating red meat increases your risk of cancer... Been (red)meat-less for 6 months now...
I've joined a gym to have a healthier lifestyle. Or at least I try...

I'm a worry wuss...

But for 2005, I've decided that worrying too much won't get you anywhere.
I mean, everybody dies eventually. Though I still don't want to die...
But I don't have to worry about that...
At least not now...
Life's too short.
And life should be lived to the fullest.
Whavetever happens, everyday should be a celebration of Life...
They say death should not be seen as an ending, but a beginning of another voyage in Life...
Everything happens for a reason...
For some, it may seem impossible to even have a reason for one's death, but beyond the grief and even anger, there ultimately is...

I think that's just too much death talk!!! =)

As I've said, for 2005...
Life is way too short...
Live life to the fullest!!!